The Smarmy Carny

Oscar and his friends

Every year, I make my Oscars predictions, and this year is no exception.

Every year, I also make a fool out of myself with how terribly I do. At any large parties I have attended, I am invariably beaten out by the person in the room who has seen only Spider-Man 2 and Shrek 2. Nonetheless, I have decided to open myself up and show you all exactly how horribly I do. Perhaps this courage is what will allow me to go 24 for 24 this year . . . but I'm not counting on it.

ETV Results

While the Oscars ceremony was ongoing, I participated in the Enhanced TV games, trivia, polls, info, etc. It's generally annoying, as you're trying to watch the TV and your computer at the same time. As you can see in the screenshot to the right, I was able to get into the top 3%. I won't tell you how high the scores for the top ten people were, though, because the top 3% sounds impressive.

As usual, I started out spectacularly with 3 of 3, but quickly slipped to 4 of 8. This is precisely what I tried to describe above. Luckily, I ended up with a winning percentage . . . by one. Nonetheless, I'm taking it.

And now, for my results: 13 of 24

• Best Picture
  Winner: Million Dollar Baby
  My pick: The Aviator
• Best Actor
  Winner: Jamie Foxx, Ray
• Best Actress
  Winner: Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
• Best Supporting Actor
  Winner: Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby
• Best Supporting Actress
  Winner: Cate Blanchett, The Aviator
• Best Director
  Winner: Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
  My pick: Martin Scorsese, The Aviator
• Best Original Screenplay
  Winner: Charlie Kaufman, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Best Adapted Screenplay
  Winner: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Sideways
• Animated Feature
  Winner: The Incredibles
• Art Direction
  Winner: The Aviator
• Cinematography
  Winner: The Aviator
• Costume
  Winner: The Aviator
  My pick: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
• Documentary Feature
  Winner: Born into Brothels
  My pick: Super Size Me
• Documentary Short Subject
  Winner: Mighty Times: The Children's March
  My pick: Autism Is a World
• Film Editing
  Winner: The Aviator
  My pick: Million Dollar Baby
• Foreign Language Film
  Winner: Mar Adentro (The Sea Inside), Spain
• Makeup
  Winner: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
  My pick: The Passion of the Christ
• Original Score
  Winner: Jan A.P. Kaczmarek, Finding Neverland
• Original Song
  Winner: "Al Otro Lado del Rio", The Motorcycle Diaries
  My pick: "Believe", The Polar Express
• Short Film, Animated
  Winner: Ryan
  My pick: Guard Dog
• Short Film, Live Action
  Winner: Wasp
  My pick: Little Terrorist
• Sound Editing
  Winner: The Incredibles
  My pick: Spider-Man 2
• Sound Mixing
  Winner: Ray
• Visual Effects
  Winner: Spider-Man 2

Run! He's got sports equipment!

If you haven't seen the video of Japanese police running away from a man with a baseball bat, you're missing out. (Mirror for IE users) Granted, it's not hilarious, but it's plenty of fun. Imagine these officers needing to report back to their superiors. It's almost like a scene that might be written for Lethal Weapon or Rush Hour.

The two officers ran from the driver after he smashed the windows of the car with a bat and then came after them. The officers did return and grapple with the man after he jumped into their police car. The man was arrested. Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi called the incident "embarrassing."

Watching the video and using some common sense, you can tell that the policemen were simply unprepared to deal with a man with a bat. Still, you'd think that someone would have thought about that possibility as they stood around watching a guy wreck the inside of a car with a bat. But then, that's just my opinion. I don't care if you go defensive with a riot shield, or offensive with a Taser, but you've simply got to consider that strong possibility.

You also have to wonder about the fact that they waited until "after he jumped into their police car." If he hadn't jumped into the car, would they have bothered to do anything about him?

. . . and we thought Iraq was in need of additional police support . . .

Oscar and his friends

This post discusses Oscars contests for the Academy Awards that took place on , 2005. For the most recent Oscars posts, be sure to check out the Oscars/Academy Awards category page. There, you should find prediction posts, present and past, and perhaps some other Oscars-related thoughts.

Update: The contest entry windows have all closed! For crying out loud, if you're waiting until now, you've procrastinated longer than I have. Congratulations. You lose.

Every year, I go ahead and look for various Academy Awards predictions contests. Every year I sort through dozens of pages to find a bunch of contests. This year, I figured I would share my findings. Sorry that I'm putting this up so late, but I'm a procrastinator, so I'm just getting it done now. Perhaps next year I'll work on getting this out sooner. In fact, many contests have already ended.

Strategically, you're best off figuring out which picks you will make before you start. Print the official Oscars ballot or EW's pretty ballot and make your picks. That will save you time.

Well, I do have some guidelines I used in picking which sites to show here. I'm not too discriminatory about this, but I do have some limits.

1. You pick the winners. No "enter your name and cross your fingers" stuff here. If you've got knowledge and skill, get them all right and have a better chance than just a regular lottery-style game.
2. English only.
3. No regional contest prizes. I don't care if I win a dinner for two in Vancouver, and you probably don't either. Some regional sites will be used if they offer a generic prize.
4. No Canada. I didn't look at sites from .ca because most of those are restricted to Canadians.
5. Not expired. If the contest expires before some time on Sunday, I noted that fact.
6. I will do my best to skim rules and regulations to confirm what I've mentioned above. No promises that I didn't miss something. It's up to you to read the rules yourself if you care.
7. Of course, I make no claims about spamming resulting from these contests. I myself have created a special e-mail just for contests to catch all the spam (and congratulatory winners' e-mails, of course).

Listings will be of the following format:

• Site name (links directly to contest page) — Description of the page, along with any pertinent restrictions.
  Grand Prize(s) offered. You can read the details for any lesser prizes.

Confirmed contests: I have entered these and confirmed that they abide by my guidelines above. Unless noted, you can enter these until at least midnight before the Oscars ceremony. Some will let you enter right up until the ceremony begins.

• Oscars.com — The official site. Need I say more?
  Ultimate Home Theater System
• CNN.com — Skewed news, nice prize
  32" LCD HDTV; $1000 cash
• HardRock.com — Entry did not work when I tried it first, but worked later.
  Two Red Carpet bleacher seats to the 78th Academy Awards Red Carpet pre-show
• The New York Times — More skewed news, decent prize
  Dream vacation for 2. Destination options: London, England (Finding Neverland); Hollywood, CA (The Aviator); or California's Central Coast wine country (Sideways)
• Movieline
  JVC TH-M505 Home Theater System; 60 Oscar-nominated DVDs
• filmguru.net — Small prizes, but probably a better chance of winning
  $25 Amazon.com gift certificate; FilmGuru.Net t-shirt
• the-numbers.com
  DVDs of your choice
• Quad-Cities Online
  Trip for 4 to Universal Orlando Resort in Florida
• N:Zone
  A Million Dollar Baby "Hit Pit" Hoodie Sweatshirt; A Troy Candle set, t-shirt, hat and envelope opener; A Phantom of the Opera music box, t-shirt, magnets and bracelet; A Ray movie poster; A Sideways golf ball set and polo/golf shirt; The Motorcycle Diaries on DVD
• Miami Herald(click "Enter the Herald's Oscars Contest") — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 3 p.m. EST
  Panasonic DIGA DVD Recorder with TV Guide On Screen(TM)
• oregonlive.com — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 9 p.m. PST
  20 movie tickets
• scuba.com — Contest closes Saturday, February 26, 2005 at 12 noon PST
  $100 Gift Certificate for scuba.com
• Lexington Herald-Leader — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 12 noon PST
  $50 gift certificate to the Lexington restaurant Oscar's; plus $50 in movie tickets; the official Oscars poster
• Box Office Mojo
  one-year Premier Pass on Box Office Mojo

After the Oscars are over, I'll probably post my picks and how they stacked up with the actual winners. I usually do fairly horribly, so it should be funny. Update: I did, in fact, decide to do this. Read my picks here.

1984

A couple polls are in and caught my attention. One brings good news, the other bad. Since I always ask for the bad news first, that's the order I'll give it to you.

Bad news first: According to a poll conducted by the Siena College Research Institute, 81% of voters surveyed would vote for a woman for president. This is not the bad news. The bad news is that 53% of the voters surveyed think that Hillary RodHam should run for president, whereas only 37% think she shouldn't. Read this article for further details.

Of course, this isn't devestating news. Keep in mind Dean's huge popularity before the primaries and his eventual embarassment.

The good news: According to people surveyed in a Gallup poll, Ronald Reagan is considered the "greatest president ever". One in five people selected Reagan. One in seven must have felt dizzy and selected Clinton. Top five results:

1. 20%: Reagan
2. 15%: Clinton
3. 14%: Lincoln
4. 12%: FDR
5. 12%: JFK

Of course, a poll like this proves nothing about these presidents other than their popularity or current "approval rating." Still, I've no idea why the original "G. W." didn't make the list. Despite the trend of people picking more recent presidents, this does indicate a large posthumous jump in popularity for Reagan. But really, do we really need to qualify Reagan's popularity after the 1984 election? (See the RED/blue map as a reference.)

Baby got hack(ed)

We'll always have Paris . . . or at least, all of her phone numbers.

A cracker (by that I mean a "malicious hacker", not a "honkey") obtained the contents of Paris Hilton's cell phone. This, of course, includes her phone and e-mail contacts, camera phone pictures, and other assorted notes.

Some of the popular entries include phone numbers and/or e-mails for Eminem, Lindsay Lohan, Shannon Elizabeth, Avril Lavigne, Christina Aguilera, Anna Kournikova, Ashlee Simpson, Luke Wilson, Fred Durst, Nicky Hilton, Stephen King, Victoria Gotti, Andy Roddick, and Vin Diesel.

The Drudge Report had one (if not the first) article about the fiasco, as usual. Another article worth reading can be found at zdnet.com.

One interesting note regarding this whole ordeal . . . remember that, as horrifying this might be to Paris, this really doesn't stack up to a certain tape that made its way onto the internet a while ago. 'Nuff said.

Unfortunately for you, I'm certainly not posting the list here. I've got better things to worry about. I'm also not posting any links (for the time being), as any link I post will surely end up as a dead link within hours anyway. Sorry about that. But still, reading this explanation is less frustrating than clicking on five dead links I might have posted anyway, isn't it? If you're really set on getting the list, I'm sure you'll figure out a way to get it.

Relaxed Football

Ever watch an NFL game and think "I could do that, if only there wasn't such a focus on physical requirements, running, etc."? Me too, but then I just go ahead and finish off my Smores Blasted E.L. Fudge cookies until I drift off to sleep.

This hilarious commercial is much better than I was expecting it to be.

What if an entire football team were given muscle relaxants right before a game?

Hilarity ensues.

NHL CBA

I realize I'm late on the NHL season being cancelled, but I've been lazy. Those of you who don't already know that the 2004-2005 NHL season has officially been cancelled probably don't care anyway.

As with any professional sports organization, I scoff when the players strike. $8M??? Heck no, we want $10M a season! Yes, I understand that their "working career" is shorter than the rest of us. I know that star players bring in millions of dollars in ticket sales and other various revenues. I don't care.

I make no secret about my thoughts and feelings toward most unions. The goal of most unions seem to be to get the most money for the least amount of work. This is not why unions were formed in the first place. Unions were originally created to uphold workers' rights, not to push to make excessively high salaries even more excessively high. Working excruciating hours, dangerous working conditions, being paid in coupons instead of money — these are the issues that unions were created to stop and/or avoid. From what I could find, here are some of the various leagues' minimum salaries:

• NHL: $200,000 with a proposed increase to $300,000 (so far)
• NFL: $225,000
• MLB: $300,000
• NBA: $385,277
• WNBA: Maximum salary capped at $174,000. I just threw that in to annoy people.

I don't know about you, but the lowest figure mentioned ($174k) would be a substantial pay raise for me. As I mentioned, these players are not exactly in dire straits financially. Unions need not push for more money for the players. They have been out of work for months . . . have you seen any players begging on the street?

I really need to demand that my employer pay me higher wages. After all, I'm only working until I'm 67.5 . . .

Just in case anyone is thinking this, I want to mention that yes, I do realize that the NHL is in a lockout phase, which is more of a reverse strike. I am well aware that, technically, it is the owners/league that has prevented the players from playing this season. I hope you're not so naive as to believe that players' and unions' demands in previous years are not to blame.

Of course, if you really miss hockey, you can watch "highlights" over at hockeyfights.com. For additional clips, check out their video clips forum thread.