The Smarmy Carny

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Now that the movie has been released, Zap2It has The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Personality Test. Take it, if you dare.

Honestly, the quiz isn't that great. It's one of those personality quizzes that, if you have read the books or seen the movie, you realize that "If I choose C, I'll end up being Arthur." I just did my best to ignore that when I came up with answers.

My test result? I am Marvin. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take a personality test.

MARVIN
Like Marvin, you are chronically depressed. Unlike Marvin, you are probably not a robot. Marvin is a new generation of robot, infused with GPP (Genuine People Personalities). Marvin finds little job satisfaction in his menial tasks and he's quick to remind others that he won't enjoy them. To be fair, opening doors and fetching things can be a little tough to swallow with a brain that can compute your personality problems to thirty decimal places, while predicting the weather of an entire planet.

Two Personals Ads

I found this hilarious ad combination at ilovebacon.com today. They have plenty of entertaining pictures, but this one gets me every time I see it.

You have to wonder if the editors realized what they were doing when they placed these two ads in relation to each other. I can understand that, if it is your job to toss advertisements onto a page, that you could overlook something like this. An editor could easily just toss one personals ad here and another personals ad there without a second thought. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if the editor noticed the possibilities and couldn't pass the prank up.

Valid Signature?

Back in the day when I used to work in retail, I was a stickler about credit card signatures. If a card was not signed, I would insist that the person either sign the card with their signature or "Ask for ID." If their card was not already signed, I insisted on photo ID as proof of identity.

Most of the people who don't sign their cards offered the excuse that "if someone steals my card, they will know what my signature looks like and will be able to forge my signature." I wryly pointed out to these people that if the card wasn't signed at all, a thief could sign their name in the thief's handwriting and would not even need to learn to forge the signature in the first place! The runner-up excuse for not signing the card is that "no one ever checks it, anyway." Of course, wasn't I proving their theory wrong by checking the signature?

I once engaged in a verbal argument with a customer regarding the credit card. She absolutely refused to sign it and would not write "Ask for ID" on the back of the card. Usually I would allow the "Ask for ID" signature, but legally that is not valid, either. I pointed out the sentence, clearly written on the back of the card above the signature field that read: "Not valid unless signed." Go ahead, check any of your credit or debit cards . . . it's written there. Apparently this wording was a bit too murky for the customer, who started screaming about forgetting about the entire purchase, which was probably a whopping $20 or so. In my faux-friendly customer service tone of voice, I explained that the company was simply looking out for her and the security of her accounts by checking the card's signature. I had something to prove, and so did she. I honestly can't remember how that ended up, but as I try to remember, my mind remembers that she angrily signed her card and slip and huffed as I slowly compared the signature to the one on her ID. Good times. Retail is great . . . for me to poop on.

Given my feelings regarding credit card signatures, I was amazed at the results of the Credit Card Prank on Zug. Granted, he "cheats" (in my opinion) by running out on a couple before the cashier could raise any objections. According to the site:

Credit card signatures are a useless mechanism designed to make you feel safe, like airport security checks. So my question was, how crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?

He feels he proves his point because he was still charged, but I disagree. If the store has a signed receipt and the person left with merchandise, you better believe that they will charge the card instead of taking an immediate loss on the merchandise (and an immediate increase in shrink). Leave it to the customer/victim to sort out the problem if it was fraudulent use. That's just business.

Sand Animation

Sand animation is a really neat art. Actually, it's more of a really messy art, but let's not get picky.

Take a few minutes to watch this video. It's a couple years old, but it's certainly worth watching. From what I have gathered, this was the opening "act" for SICAF 2003. SICAF is the Seoul International Cartoon & Animation Festival. The clip features Ferenc Cako telling the story of Genesis 1-3 via sand animation.

Granted, the art created is not breathtaking, but the method certainly is. Then again, you try your best to create some "breathtaking" art as quickly as he does. That's where the "animation" comes in.

If this video had piqued your interest, check out Ferenc Cako's homepage, as well as sandanimation.com.

I think that an interesting finale to his show would be to have a beach bully run up and kick his creation over, but that's just me.

Get Perpendicular!

There's a little animation and song on Hitachi's website that is very reminiscent of Schoolhouse Rock! The opening line "I'm just a lonely little bit" is undeniably an "I'm Just a Bill" parody, complete with a Bill-esque bit.

The flash animation explains in simple terms the technology behind perpendicular recording. The technology allows Hitachi to achieve "industry-leading areal densities via Perpendicular Recording capacities." What does this mean? How about 20 gigabytes on a one-inch Microdrive? How about 1 terabyte on a 3.5-inch hard drive? Yeah, I thought that might grab your attention.

Plus, you can now enter to win one of 230 "Get Perpendicular" shirts.

Amazon is currently allowing everyone to vote on short films.

Amazon's Tribeca Screening Room brings up a random entry for the Tribeca Film Festival's short film competition. After watching the film, you suffer through a Ellen DeGenerate commercial, and then you are allowed to vote on the film. Simple voting . . . one to five stars.

As with all film festivals, there are some inventive pieces, some cute little comedies, and some useless fodder. If nothing else, you are rewarded by the bad ones by being able to give them the lowest possible score. Overall, however, I haven't seen any true losers yet, and I haven't given any of the films the lowest possible score . . . yet!

If you've got time, check it out. You just might learn something.

It's finally here! It's "Free Cone Day" at Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shops! Check here for the delicious details.

Well, there it goes, anyway. Unless you already received and ate your cone(s), you missed the 2005 Free Cone Day.