The Smarmy Carny

The Razzie

Now that the real nominations have been presented, allow me to give you the scoop on the Razzie nominations.

If you're not familiar with the Razzies yet, the Razzie is an award given as a sort of anti-Oscar for the worst achievements in film.

Some may remember that I was upset about the Razzie's blatant political agenda last year, but with the lack of any popular political mockumentaries, the same problem couldn't have been repeated.

And the Razzie nominees are . . .

Worst Picture

• Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
• Dirty Love
• Dukes of Hazzard
• House of Wax
• Son of the Mask

Worst Director

• John Asher - Dirty Love
• Uwe Boll - Alone in the Dark
• Jay Chandrasekhar - The Dukes of Hazzard
• Nora Ephron - Bewitched
• Lawrence Gutterman - Son of the Mask

Worst Actor

• Tom Cruise - War of the Worlds
• Will Ferrell - Bewitched and Kicking & Screaming
• Jamie Kennedy - Son of the Mask
• The Rock - Doom
• Rob Schneider - Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

Worst Actress

• Jessica Alba - Fantastic Four and Into the Blue
• Hilary Duff - Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and The Perfect Man
• Jennifer Lopez - Monster in Law
• Jenny McCarthy - Dirty Love
• Tara Reid - Alone in the Dark

Worst Supporting Actor

• Hayden Christensen - Star Wars III
• Alan Cumming - Son of the Mask
• Bob Hoskins - Son of the Mask
• Eugene Levy - Cheaper by the Dozen 2 and The Man
• Burt Reynolds - The Dukes of Hazzard and The Longest Yard

Worst Supporting Actress

• Carmen Electra - Dirty Love
• Paris Hilton - House of Wax
• Katie Holmes - Batman Begins
• Ashlee Simpson - Undiscovered
• Jessica Simpson - The Dukes of Hazzard

Worst Screenplay

• Bewitched - Nora Ephron, Delia Ephron & Adam McKay
• Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo - Rob Schneider, David Garrett & Jason Ward
• Dirty Love - Jenny McCarthy
• The Dukes of Hazzard - John O'Brien
• Son of the Mask - Lance Khazei

Worst Remake Or Sequel

• Bewitched
• Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
• Dukes of Hazzard
• House of Wax
• Son of the Mask

If you thirst for more horrible movies from 2005, check out IMDB's Worst of 2005 list, based on votes by IMDB members.

The 78th Academy Awards Nominees were announced this morning. Academy President Sid Ganis and Mira Sorvino announced the nominations.

By popular demand, here is a full, printable list of the 78th Academy Awards nominations.

And the nominees are . . .

Best Picture

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• Crash
• Good Night and Good Luck
• Munich

Best Director

• Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain
• Bennett Miller - Capote
• George Clooney - Good Night and Good Luck
• Paul Haggis - Crash
• Steven Spielberg - Munich

Best Actor

• David Strathairn - Good Night and Good Luck
• Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain
• Joaquin Phoenix - Walk the Line
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman - Capote
• Terrence Howard - Hustle & Flow

Best Actress

• Charlize Theron - North Country
• Felicity Huffman - Transamerica
• Judi Dench - Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Keira Knightley - Pride & Prejudice
• Reese Witherspoon - Walk the Line

Best Supporting Actor

• George Clooney - Syriana
• Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain
• Matt Dillon - Crash
• Paul Giamatti - Cinderella Man
• William Hurt - A History of Violence

Best Supporting Actress

• Amy Adams - Junebug
• Catherine Keener - Capote
• Frances McDormand - North Country
• Michelle Williams - Brokeback Mountain
• Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardener

Best Original Screenplay

• Crash
• Good Night and Good Luck
• Match Point
• Syriana
• The Squid and the Whale

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• The Constant Gardener
• A History of Violence
• Munich

Most Nominations

• 8: Brokeback Mountain
• 6: Crash
  Good Night, and Good Luck
• 5: Capote
  Memoirs of a Geisha
  Munich
  Walk the Line
• 4: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
  The Constant Gardner
  King Kong
  Pride & Prejudice
• 3: Cinderella Man
  War of the Worlds

Now the wait is finally over . . . for the nominees. Now we wait for the winners on Sunday, March 5, 2006!

For all the latest information on The Academy Awards, check back on the Oscars/Academy Awards category page. Bookmark it if you don't want to miss anything!

This post has been re-posted at Random Fodder, Novac's personal blog.

I received an e-mail from PayPal yesterday that was — get this — actually from PayPal!

The content of the e-mail had nothing to do with unauthorized access to my account, the need to update my login information, or the addition of a strange e-mail address. It was all boring stuff about the PayPal Money Market Fund.

The most interesting thing I noticed about this e-mail? Unlike every phishing e-mail, this one had no links . . . not even valid ones back to paypal.com.

This post has been re-posted at Random Fodder, Novac's personal blog.

Snowmen: 0, Heat: 2

Of course, the one winter I resolve to build an igloo, we have the warmest January since 1932!
Temperatures finally fell below 32 degrees for a couple days and we got some snow . . . enough to build a couple snowmen. Two days later, this is all that's left of them. If snowfall doesn't pick up in February and March, I might just have to hope for an extremely snowy November and December.

See more progress on: build an igloo

The Smarmy Carny is the place to get information on The Academy Awards!

To see the actual nominees, take a look at the 2006 Nominations post or view the the Oscars/Academy Awards category page. Bookmark it if you don't want to miss anything!

As with last year, it is my intention to quickly post the nominations and some thoughts, along with as many Oscars contests as I can find.

The nominations will be announced on Tuesday, January 31, 2006 at 8:30am EST. If you're reading this after this time, you can read the nomination results here. In the meantime, here's a list of the most likely contenders for Oscar nods, taken from the Hollywood Stock Exchange's NominOptions list:

Best Picture

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• Cinderella Man
• The Constant Gardener
• Crash
• Good Night and Good Luck
• A History of Violence
• King Kong
• Match Point
• Memoirs of a Geisha
• Munich
• The New World
• Pride & Prejudice
• Syriana
• Walk the Line

Best Director

• Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain
• Bennett Miller - Capote
• David Cronenberg - A History of Violence
• Fernando Meirelles - The Constant Gardener
• George Clooney - Good Night and Good Luck
• James Mangold - Walk the Line
• Paul Haggis - Crash
• Peter Jackson - King Kong
• Rob Marshall - Memoirs of a Geisha
• Ron Howard - Cinderella Man
• Stephen Frears - Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Stephen Gaghan - Syriana
• Steven Spielberg - Munich
• Terrence Malick - The New World
• Woody Allen - Match Point

Best Actor

• Anthony Hopkins - The World's Fastest Indian
• Cillian Murphy - Breakfast on Pluto
• David Strathairn - Good Night and Good Luck
• Eric Bana - Munich
• Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain
• Jeff Daniels - The Squid and the Whale
• Joaquin Phoenix - Walk the Line
• Jonathan Rhys Meyers - Match Point
• Nathan Lane - The Producers
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman - Capote
• Ralph Fiennes - The Constant Gardener
• Russell Crowe - Cinderella Man
• Terrence Howard - Hustle & Flow
• Tommy Lee Jones - The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
• Viggo Mortensen - A History of Violence

Best Actress

• Charlize Theron - North Country
• Claire Danes - Shopgirl
• Felicity Huffman - Transamerica
• Gwyneth Paltrow - Proof
• Joan Allen - The Upside of Anger
• Judi Dench - Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Keira Knightley - Pride & Prejudice
• Naomi Watts - King Kong
• Natasha Richardson - The White Countess
• Q'orianka Kilcher - The New World
• Reese Witherspoon - Walk the Line
• Renee Zellweger - Cinderella Man
• Sarah Jessica Parker - The Family Stone
• Toni Collette - In Her Shoes
• Ziyi Zhang - Memoirs of a Geisha

Best Supporting Actor

• Barry Pepper - The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
• Bob Hoskins - Mrs. Henderson Presents
• Clifton Collins Jr. - Capote
• Craig T. Nelson - The Family Stone
• Don Cheadle - Crash
• Donald Sutherland - Pride & Prejudice
• Frank Langella - Good Night and Good Luck
• George Clooney - Syriana
• Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain
• Matt Dillon - Crash
• Matthew Broderick - The Producers
• Paul Giamatti - Cinderella Man
• Richard Jenkins - North Country
• Terrence Howard - Crash
• William Hurt - A History of Violence

Best Supporting Actress

• Amy Adams - Junebug
• Brenda Blethyn - Pride & Prejudice
• Catherine Keener - Capote
• Diane Keaton - The Family Stone
• Frances McDormand - North Country
• Gong Li - Memoirs of a Geisha
• Laura Linney - The Squid and the Whale
• Maria Bello - A History of Violence
• Michelle Williams - Brokeback Mountain
• Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardener
• Scarlet Johansson - Match Point
• Shirley MacLaine - In Her Shoes
• Taraji Henson - Hustle & Flow
• Thandie Newton - Crash
• Uma Thurman - The Producers

Best Original Screenplay

• Broken Flowers
• Cinderella Man
• Crash
• The Family Stone
• Good Night and Good Luck
• Hustle & Flow
• Match Point
• Me and You and Everyone We Know
• Mrs. Henderson Presents
• The New World
• Syriana
• The Squid and the Whale
• The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
• The Upside of Anger
• Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
• The White Countess

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Brokeback Mountain
• Capote
• The Constant Gardener
• A History of Violence
• In Her Shoes
• Jarhead
• King Kong
• Memoirs of a Geisha
• Munich
• North Country
• Pride & Prejudice
• The Producers
• Shopgirl
• Syriana
• Walk the Line

This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.

American Idol 5 auditions continued tonight, showing yet another bunch of freaks trying out in San Francisco.

Here is the list of the most interesting auditions from this fourth American Idol 5 audition episode:

• Deborah Dawn Tilley #33254 — Deborah Dawn's style was pure rock, and it looked like she had rocked a bit too hard in her 27(?) years on this earth. I'm a poor judge of age, but Deborah Dawn looked much older than 27. To me, she looked more like 35 minimum. Like I said, I could have been wrong. Her extremely long and frizzy hair may have made her look older. She said, "People recognize me by my hair. 'Hey! . . . Lady Big Hair!'" Now that I think about it, Deborah Dawn really looked and acted just like a Molly Shannon character . . . a lot, right down to the crazy eyes. Simon said that she looked like "somebody's mother who for a day has been told to look like Cher for some ghastly fancy dress party and does a song. That's how the whole thing came over." He then said that it was like he needed to hear her with his eyes closed because her image was so off-putting. Paula reminded Simon that this is what he said about Clay Aiken, but Simon denied it.

• Marcus Phillips #32387 — Marcus (who refers to himself once as "Kid Chaos," was a self-proclaimed AT, "All Terrain Entertainer: singer, rapper, songwriter, dancer, comedian, actor." He started out by singing "This Little Light of Mine" in falsetto. Simon tried to stop him at the end of the song, but Paula insisted on seeing all of the All Terrain Entertainer. Marcus then moved on to dancing, followed by some beatbox. One would hope that, being an All Terrain Entertainer, that Marcus would have been good with at least one of the skills, but he really wasn't. Marcus' only skill seemed to be auctioneer-like fast-talking. Watch Marcus' audition video.
• Shawn Vasquez #32038 — Shawn doesn't "sing," he "sang." He sang in (what Randy called) the "loudest, weirdest sound." Ever. I understand that the Pips are very unhappy.
• Matthew "Wolfie" Paulsen #32051 — Matthew is called Wolfie because — why else? — he likes wolves so much. Wolfie described himself as "sound a little bit like Clay, but maybe a little bit different than Clay, but I think my voice range is around Clay Aiken's. I'm definitely going to Hollywood today." Matthew even chose to sing Aiken's "The Measure of a Man." The differences quickly became apparent when he started singing in a shakey, quivering voice. The similarities never made themselves apparent. The producers even played Matthew and Clay side-by-side as an easy comparison.
• John Williams #31585 — John was in the military for nine years and recently got on leave. He took vocal lessons for six weeks before auditioning for American Idol. John started by singing semi-normally, but he then quickly turned around, put some sunglasses on, and started beatboxing and singing a remix of the same song. Needless to say, it didn't go over well. Simon was "puzzled that someone from the Air Force comes in and does quite a strange routine, and after that bizarre element, you stood there with a very serious look on your face, as if, that's just normal."
• Eric Cornforth #32231 — Eric's singing was unpalatable, bland, and monotone, but it was nothing compared with his hairstyle. I'm not sure what exactly was going on there, but it may have been several different things. Eric insisted on singing with his eyes closed the entire time, but I wished I could have listened with my ears closed. He really sounded like a Bob Dylan on drugs. Oh, wait a minute . . . I guess maybe he sounded like a sober Bob Dylan. Watch Eric's audition video (and look at that hair).
• Shalicia Carlisle #32191 — Shalicia also chose to sing with her eyes closed, and her singing was no better. She "recently discovered" her special talent, which is usually a clue that you're about to be treated to some awful singing. Shalicia was no exception to this rule. She followed up her awful, passionate, closed-eye singing with some awful slam poetry. Simon also noted that her choreography was hideous, to which Shalicia (unknowingly) thanked Simon. After she sang for the judges and received three resounding "No" responses, Shalicia admitted that she had quit her job. Simon responded that "It wasn't the best career move." Simon then offered to call her boss Ginny to get her old job back. Sure enough, Simon stuck to his word, had Shalicia call her boss, and he explained that she had no hopes of going to Hollywood. Shalicia's boss agreed to take her back.

Throughout the night, Simon routinely had completely different opinions on the contestants. Paula and Randy had continually questioned Simon's calls on several of the contestants, and he finally snapped after the argument regarding Simon's comment to Clay. He left one contestant shy of finishing the day, but he did indeed take off for his hotel at that point.

This post will be updated as pictures and video clips are available online, so bookmark this page or the American Idol page.

This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.

My usual disclaimer:

The only episodes of American Idol that I watch are the audition episodes. Why? Because watching people sing is less-than-enthralling for me. What I do enjoy, however, is watching people not sing for judges. Even in the audition episodes, my mind quickly starts to wander when a good singer starts belting it out.

American Idol 5 auditions continued tonight, showing yet another bunch of "singers" trying out in Greensboro, NC.

Here is the list of the most interesting auditions from this third audition episode:

• Rhonetta Johnson #64390 — Rhonetta was clearly the producers' choice for this episode. They placed her last so that they could promo her audition the entire two hours. Rhonetta chose to wear a silver tube top, a too-short white skirt, and sparkly, silver boots. And when I say "too-short skirt," I mean completely unflattering. I'm no fashion expert, but you know you have a problem when your belly is pushing your tight skirt down in the front. Paula asked, "It says you think you could be bigger than J. Lo and Janet." Simon quickly replied "Well, in a way, she is." In her post-audition ranting, she said that Paula "could never be famous." Here's Rhonetta Johnson's audition video:

• Marcus Behling #63298 — Marcus claimed to have "won approximately three talent shows." Marcus' goal seemed to be to impress the judges by singing each note for as long as possible. For instance, it took him 14 seconds to sing the words "She's out of my life." Randy laughed and said that the song was going to take two hours at that pace. When asked if he had taken vocal lessons, he said that he was using the Randy and Paula DVD (Ultimate Voice Coach - Learn To Sing Like A Star!). This made Simon's day, as he couldn't get over that fact, and he noted that it was the best birthday he has ever had. Post-audition, Marcus took the DVD out on the street and beat it to death with a hammer. Watch Marcus' audition and subsequent DVD destruction.
• Sabrina Oakley #60731 — Sabrina referred to herself as "Sabrina, the teenage witch." Simon quickly noted, "Well, let's lose the 'teenage'." She claimed on her application that men always hit on her and when this was mentioned, she said something I found to be incoherent. Closed captioning tells me that she said "So I'm hoping Simon will hit on me." Sabrina sang off-key, so Simon said that it was less "hitting on" and more like "hitting." Simon also just had to point out that she was "more Jerry Springer Show than American Idol," and he actually had a valid point there. Simon later punctuated his sentiment by yelling "Y'all stole my sister!" Sabrina snapped and screamed about how she hated Jerry Springer.
• Shawn De Salazar #61172 — Shawn dressed formally for his audition and brought with him a large poster chronicling his "life story." Apparently, he was born the week before, because there wasn't much on there other than him traveling to Greensboro and wanting to get onto American Idol. Shawn was "on a mission to bring back standards" back to American Idol, and he sang one: That Old Black Magic. While he didn't sound horrible, Simon said that he sounded "distinctly average," and compared him to one of those singing waiters you might see in an unpopular restaurant. Shawn's little brother was pretty outspoken about his talents, and he seemed pissed after Shawn was turned down. "I think it's baloney . . . And you know what? Who needs American Idol?"
• Richard Garland #61769 — Richard brought his ventriloquist dummy Scotty. Unfortunately, Scotty did not join in on the singing portion of the audition, but he did compliment Paula before being shoved back into the box. As Richard left, Simon advised him that "There's nothing wrong with working with a dummy." Paula gave a knowing look, and said "I work with them all the time! All the time!"
• Ronda Jones #60123 — Ronda had a distinctly high-pitched voice that sort of reminded me of a mix between Spongebob's friend Sandy and Annie Potts (the actress you'd recognize as secretary Janine in Ghostbusters). Randy asked her what she was going to sing to prove that she was the next American Idol, and Ronda berated him for putting a lot of pressure on her. Ronda sang some Backstreet Boys, and Simon complained that it "sounded just like the original."
• Sergeant Steven David Jr. #60531 — Steven is in the International Guard, and he openly drooled over Paula before his audition. In fact, he bet Paula that she would have to dance with him if he had a good singing voice, and Simon accepted the offer. Paula was skiddish about the whole ordeal, likely due to the whole Justin Guarini psuedo-scandal. Steven had a good singing voice and got through, so Randy and Simon dragged Paula up to dance with him. As Steven left, Ryan escorted his wife through the door. Paula berated him for doing that. Watch Sgt. Steven David Jr.'s audition.
• Donny Meacham #60522 — Donny (attempted to) sing Bridge Over Troubled Water, but it didn't go well. Simon's vote? "Well, you just murdered one of the most beautiful songs of all time. You went from torture to murder."
• Chonna Clepper #63506 — After a cold interview with a "short" Ryan, Chonna entered the room wearing lingerie. She said that her (ex-stripper) mom went to a lot of lingerie shows and picked up a lot of stuff. Since the ex-stripping mom was doing it for her kids, the judges didn't berate the situation. (We won't get into that here.) Still, one has to wonder why one would choose lingerie for an audition. Simon later said that Americans have weird ideas about lingerie, and if he saw that, he'd say "Back in the bathroom, sweetheart!"
• Cedrick Robinson #60868 — Cedrick was apparently Fantasia's relative. You know how some families have a ton of musical talent in them from the youngest child to the oldest great-grandparent? Cedrick proved that this isn't the case here. After Cedrick tried some fancy voicework to end his song, Randy told him, "You went through about twelve keys right there." Cedrick said that he had been singing since he was three, but Simon replied that his voice hadn't changed much.
• Jimmy Crabtree #64076 — Jimmy has to be one of the least excited people to audition for American Idol. He spoke with a monotone voice, even when entering the room. Simon informed him that he had the "personality of a hippo."
• Sammy Neighbors #67572 — As far as effeminate, overweight men go, this is one of the best to audition for American Idol. Sammy clearly couldn't carry a tune if it was handed to him in a basket, but his stage presence was . . . undeniably unique. He chose to "sing" A Whole New World. He placed a red blanket on the stage as the magic carpet, but the magic carpet soon became a cape, a shawl, and possibly discarded lingerie in an imaginary striptease . . . I'm not sure about that, but I'd rather not examine it further. Also helpful was the literal pointing during the line "a new fantastic point of view." Sammy then broke into Paula Abdul's "Straight Up," and he shook his booty in a disturbing manner. Paula look away, frightened, but it wasn't clear if it was due to the butchering of her song or the booty shaking. Simon called Sammy "Sylvester Stallone's younger sister singing Paula Abdul ." Here's Sammy Neighbor's audition video:

• Seth Strickland #64916 — Seth was, apparently, a huge Michael Jackson fan. He had Jackson's clothes, and even attempted a couple of the dance moves. Unfortunately, Seth didn't seem to bring anyone's singing talent with him. In the middle of his song, he gave out an "Oh, crap" that was entertaining. Watch Seth Strickland's audition.

This post will be updated as pictures and video clips are available online, so bookmark this page or the American Idol page.