The Smarmy Carny

The propane torch

Each July 8, the Summer Redneck Games are played in East Dublin, GA at Buckeye Park. Originally, the games were started as a reaction to a media comment that the summer Olympics in Atlanta would be run by a bunch of rednecks. The first year, there were 1,000 spectators, but now about 10,000 show up each year to view the spectacle that is the Redneck Games.

Each year, the Redneck Games are kicked off with the arrival of the propane torch and the lighting of the ceremonial grill. This year's "ofishal skedyule" includes live music along with the following events:

• Lighting of Ceremonial Grill
• Redneck Horseshoes (Plungers and toilet seats are the equipment for this game.)
• Bobbin' For Pigs Feet
• Hubcap Hurl
• Mudpit Belly Flop
• Armpit Serenade
• Butt Crack Competition
• Fireworks
Previous years' events have also included Dumpster Diving, Seed Spitting Contest, Cigarette Flip, Big Hair Contest, Wet T-Shirt Contest, and the intriguing Bug Zapping by Spitball Contest.

The glorious winner of the Summer Redneck Games receives the ultimate prize: An empty, crushed Bud Light can mounted as a trophy.

New Line has reportedly picked up a movie pitch named "::imdb("tt0824766", "Redneck Games")::" that would have a has-been professional athlete finding redemption at the Redneck Games. I suggest you head out this year or next, before the movie comes out and attendance balloons from 10,000 to who knows how many spectators.

Happy Independence Day . . . and along with it, of course, came the 2006 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Championship, where twenty or so contestants see who can eat the most hot dogs and buns (known as HDBs in the competitive eating community) in a mere 12 minutes.

There was speculation that America might win the title back from Japanese speed-eater Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi. Even such a speculation was big news in the speed-eating world, considering Kobayashi's previous five victories. From 2001 through 2005, Kobayashi won by 19, 24.5, 20, 15.5, and then 12 hot dogs and buns. This May, however, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut beat the American record by eating 50 HDBs in 12 minutes. Granted, this didn't beat Kobayashi's record, but it did beat his 2005 Nathan's contest performance of 49 HDBs. Point is, the Americans have caught up.

Nonetheless, Kobayashi proved that he is still the champion, even under pressure. Not only did he win, but he broke his previous record by ¼ of a HDB. Still, Kobayashi's lead was not so comfortable this year. He won by a mere 1¾: Kobayashi's 53¾ HDBs to Chestnut's 52 HDBs.

Chestnut now easily holds the American record, however. He stole the record from Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas, who still holds the female record at 37. (She tied her 2005 performance this year.)

I'd remind you not to invite any of the competitive eaters over to your house for your 4th of July hot dog cookout, but I'm sure they've already got plans anyway.