The Smarmy Carny

A man and a woman are driving on a dark, foggy night when they come across a creepy looking hitchhiker with a case of beer and an axe.

The man focuses solely on the beer, but the woman is understandably concerned with the axe. After the hitchhiker claims that the axe is a bottle opener, they pick him up, despite the woman's reservations.

A while later, they all come across another hitchhiker, but this one has a case of beer and a chainsaw. This time, the axe man raises serious concern over the new hitchhiker's chainsaw.

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How do you convince American that your product, FedEx Ground, is faster than it sounds? By teaching them that you can't judge something just by its name.

We see Joel complaining about FedEx Ground sounding slow. His bosses tell him that it is faster than it sounds. They get other workers in the room to agree:

• Harry, a man with a large beard
• Ilene, a woman who continually leans to one side
• Joy, a woman who continually laughs
• Bob, a yes-man who bobs his head up and down

One of Joel's bosses confirms that everyone agrees. The boss' name? Mr. Turkeyneck, of course.

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This commercial's narration says it all:

Around 3 pm, when your blood sugar and energy are low, some say Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff.

During the narration, we see Robert Goulet shimmy down a rope into on man's office and begin to wreak havoc.

Robert Goulet eats the worker's Post-It Note, shreds some important documents, throws piles of papers around, dances on desks, spills coffee on a keyboard, and even tapes one worker to his chair.

Robert Goulet approaches the office of one worker who is wide awake and eating Emerald Nuts. The worker turns around, sensing his presence, but Goulet is now scaling the ceiling, Spider-Man style.

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Office workers are stuck in the "Promotion Pit" as the executives sit high above to watch a mass fight to the death for the promotion.

Of interest during this commercial are the various armor and weapons created from common office supplies: Helmets made from binders and hollow monitors; breastplates made from fan covers; shields made from wall clocks and chair back cushions; armor made from bubble wrap, keyboards, and wristpads; and weapons made from folding chairs and fax phones.

The commercial also features a Post-It man like the one on the Office Space DVD.

Even the delivery guy shows up to vie for the promotion.

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This E-Trade commercial replays the typical bank robbery scene we've all seen dozens of times before — except this time, the bank is robbing the customers.

The bank manager instructs the customers to get on the floor as he and the other employees all put on farmyard animal masks.

The narrator asks, "Getting robbed by your bank?" as the manager warns a customer not to be a hero.

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That's right, the fist bump is out.

A guy buys his buds a beer and tries to give them a fist bump, the current alternative to the handshake. His friend tells him that the fist bump is out, and the face slap is now in.

We then see a long series of people face slapping each other, from friends to a bride with her bridesmaid to basketball players to bowling partners.

To end the commercial, we see a man coming out of a successful meeting with his boss. The boss congratulates him and offers a fist bump. The man, of course, gives his boss a face slap. Needless to say, the boss is not aware of this new fad.

Slap count total: 15.

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An office is set up in the middle of a jungle. During the average work conversation, a pen dart suddenly flies in and strikes the office worker's coffee cup. The other worker screams, "RUN!!!" and exclaims, "They're looking for volunteers for a training seminar!"

The entire office runs away and past the security guard who reminds them to "Sign out, please." The workers run off a cliff to escape the impending doom of a training seminar.

"Do more than just survive the workweek. A better job awaits. And CareerBuilder.com has the most."

The best part about this commercial is the variety of weapons "they" use against the office workers: Pen darts, water cooler booby traps, and a net made out of extension cords and cables.

One disturbing note about this commercial: The bearded man doesn't rip his shirt off while running away — you can see in the opening shot that he starts out shirtless.

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