The Smarmy Carny

Now that's using your head!

GoldenPalace.com is, by far, the most innovative company when it comes to guerrilla marketing. For that, I give them plenty of credit. I don't agree with what they do, and I have never been to the site, but I have seen their numerous publicity stunts. Most of their "stunts" are absurd purchase on eBay. I'll post more about this whole phenomenon later.

This Saturday's Simpleton is not GP, as I have just gushed over how great their creative advertising is. Unfortunately, this week's Simpleton is the woman who carried out their latest stunt.

Kari Smith tattooed GP's address in 1-inch tall letters on her forehead for $10,000. Now, I understand that everyone has their price, but I think they lowballed Smith on this one. The 30-year-old sold her forehead so her son could get an education at a private school.

For tattoo removal, you can end up paying $5,000, and possibly more. If she couldn't drum up the $10,000 to send her precious son to school, she won't be able to gather the $5k, either. Tatto removal just isn't cheap. Unless, of course, you want a gang tattoo removed. Then, you can get someone to do it in exchange for some community service.

According to the AP's story (link now dead), the tattoo artist and his staff spent just under seven hours trying to talk her out of getting the tattoo.

When it comes down to it, I don't see a loving mother desperate to give her son a better life. That sort of status is earned by much more courageous people than this. All I see is a woman desperate for attention. She should have gone onto a reality show instead.

If you've got a few minutes, take the time to read through a story titled crazy eBay mom. Don't care to read? That's fine, because there are plenty of pictures.

This guy gives us a sort of a pictoral walking tour of his mother's home, where he lives. This woman puts my mom to shame in the "packrat" category. She has basically filled up the entire house with boxes and other various items. The sink is covered by boxes. One shower has boxes in it. Closet doors remain unopenable because of blocking boxes. There are only three remaining seats left in the house.

Prepare to be amazed.

A Nubian horse grave

Ever wanted to own a horse, but hated the huge cost of having one? Now on Ebay, you can bid on a horse that is immensely cheaper than the average horse. No stable fees! No riding equipment! No grooming costs! No food! Why? The reason why this horse is so cheap is because this auction is selling ashes of a dead horse named J.R.

That's right. Ashes of a dead horse. It seems that J.R. belonged to a Mr. Keating and was cremated on 30 May 1997. The seller does not seem to be Mr. Keating, however, so one must wonder how a box of horse's ashes might end up in someone's possession.

Don't ask me why, but a lot of these eccentric Ebay auctions come out of the UK and its neighbors. Perhaps it's just the psychological effect of living on a big island your entire life.

One nice touch is that this auction is primarily advertised as something you might purchase as a present for a loved one. Good times. Perhaps you could buy this for your neighbor.

Update: The winning bid was £1.50.

Ebay Listing

It seems that you can buy pretty much anything via drive-thru nowadays.

We are all familiar with the drive-thrus at McD's, BK, Wendy's, and the rest. I frequently use my bank's drive-thru ATM. We've even heard all about drive-thru weddings in Las Vegas.

A noteworthy entry in Ebay's real estate section auctions off "Climax World Famous Gentlemans Club and Nude Drive Thru." Apparently, this semi-popular strip joint east of Pittsburgh offers patrons the opportunity to pay $10 for a minimum of one minute of watching through a drive-thru window. The starting bid was $299,000.00, but any offers are requested via e-mail, so it's difficult to say how many serious inquiries they are receiving.

I guess in that town, you have a completely different reaction when the teen casually tells you that she works at "the drive-thru window."

Would you like fries with that?