This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.
Ryan Hart
Ryan Hart of American Idol 5 fame stopped by The Smarmy Carny to chat for a while. Ryan is the American Idol contestant who screamed his song at Simon, Paula, and Randy. Of course, when your song is by screamo band Silverstein, what else would you do???
As a courtesy to the young tikes, I will warn you that there is some language ahead. You have been warned. If you don't want to put up with it, go here instead. Thank you. And now, on with the show.
Novac from The Smarmy Carny: For the record: What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favourite colour?
Ryan Hart: Haha, well my name is Ryan, my quest? To reach level 19, my favorite color, DARKNESS.
Novac: Are you a fan of American Idol?
Ryan: Ehhh, I watched season one. And occasionally I'll catch a couple of the outtakes, but if you think I was rocking out to "Bo Bice" last season, then you're gravely mistaken
Novac: How did you decide that you were going to audition for American Idol 5?
Ryan: It's always been somewhat of a dream for me and some friends to go onto American Idol and do something noone else has ever done, ie. scream our heads off, and immortalize ourselves on television. But alas, my friends are lazy, and I was the only one who showed unfortunately
Novac: Not even one of them showed for moral support? Lame.
Ryan: Yeah, it sucked being alone for 30 hours, but at least I made friends in the waiting room heh
Novac: Did you get to know any of the other televised contestants? Or were you the only one lucky enough to get on air?
Ryan: Hmm, I can't remember all of their names exactly, but yeah, I made friends with a couple of people I saw on the air, namely Torah (who was only on for about three seconds but still). Bobby Mae even bought me a soda heh
Novac: Did she tell you whether or not you were going to drink it? 
Ryan: haha. funny story about that soda actually. You see, in the waiting room is was f**king FREEZING, and stupid me, I forgot to bring a jacket so I was shivering the *entire* time I was there and I didn't have any money, so I couldn't buy something warm to eat/drink. I told Bobby this, and she decides to buy me, a shivering cold boy, an ice cold soda. now, I don't know what her intentions were buying me that, I assume it was to be nice, but to me that's kind of be like buying an ethiopian some diet pills, but I guess it's the thought that counts right?
Novac: I'm thinking she should have known exactly what you wanted. *cough*
Ryan: haha.
Novac: Do you generally stick to screamo/emo/hardcore music?
Ryan: Well, I like songs in every genre, to limit yourself to one type of music is stupid imo, there are fantastic songs in every genre, and if you limit yourself to just one type you're seriously missing out. But, I have over 2,000 songs on my computer, that range from Yellowcard, to Silverstein, to Remembering Never, to Bad Religion, and many, many more
Novac: How did you choose Silverstein's "Smashed into Pieces" for your audition? Are you a Silverstein fan, or were you just looking for a song that would let you stand out?
Ryan: I'm a big Silverstein fan actually, infact they're the main screamo band I listen to, and Smashed Into Pieces was one of the only screamo songs I knew all the words for (damn screaming is hard to understand sometimes) so I went with what I knew. So I chose that songs for two reasons, 1) to support the band and 2) I definetly knew that it'd make me stand out. I'm willing to bet alot of people who saw my audition rushed to silverstein's website/myspace to hear the real version, so free publicity for one of my favorite bands=g00d
Novac: Had you prepared any other songs for your American Idol audition?
Ryan: Heh, just another Silverstein song, like I said, I like numerous screamo/hardcore bands, but very few songs do I know word for word, mostly only Silverstein songs. my back up song would've either been "Giving Up" or "Defend You" by Silverstein
Novac: Silverstein's official site says that you are invited out to any one of their shows. I'm guessing that you're planning on taking them up on their offer?
Ryan: Hell yes I am, hell, I'm even invited to the after party (they sent me a PM on myspace saying so). I'm wondering if I should do something weird when I show up. like, Shane Told, Silverstein's singer, is a vegan. I wonder if I should show up wearing a wool jacket, bring jello along for a snack, and be drinking milk when I show up or if I should wear nothing but silverstein gear from head to toe. Of course I'm just joking though, I wouldn't want to come off as a creepy asshole/stalker, first impressions and all. maybe further down the road heh
Novac: Well, it seems you've already made a good first impression with the band.
Ryan: Yeah, I was worried they'd think I was a douche bag, like 90% of the hardcore kids on myspace
Novac: As with any American Idol contestant, you've been chastized for your audition. Both the mainstream and the hardcore culture have frequently mentioned the word "poser" (and worse). What's your response to this?
Ryan: Heh, people are entitled to their opinion, even if their opinion is that of a complete moron, but what I did on American Idol was something noone else can ever claim they did, and I was coached by the AI producers with alot of stuff I did/said. In other words alot of my audition was me acting…like a jack ass, but still acting. My friends and family know I'm not like that, that's all that matters to me. In reality, I think the scene is retarded, I'm not a hardcore kid, and I could care less if I'm considered "hardcore" or not by a bunch of 14 year olds who's idea of a good time is fighting invisible ninjas
Novac: Hmm, not to get sidetracked, but aren't all ninjas invisible?
Ryan: …touche sir
Novac: Speaking of friends and family, what kind of reaction did you get from people who already knew you well?
Ryan: We actually played my audition (my friend recorded it) at one of my best friend's recent birthday party, everyone, including myself cracked the f**k up. It was hilarious to everyone. we all got a good laugh out of it
Novac: You have also generated a fan base online, too. What's the coolest thing that has happened as a result of your 15 minutes of fame? Has your national exposure opened any doors for you?
Ryan: Well, besides getting alot of band offers. Some of the coolest things so far include getting offered free stuff from numerous websites, getting interviewed by Rolling Stone Magazine among with other magazines/websites, and of course getting to meet my favorite band. I doubt the other contestants have gotten anything more than public mockery
Novac: Any word on when you might show up in Rolling Stone?
Ryan: Hm, well, they interviewed me, as well as some other folks whom were on AI, a couple days ago, so I'm guessing soon
Novac: Pre-audition, you said that the judges had never even heard your kind of singing. Did you expect to make it through to Hollywood, or did you go in knowing that you'd get turned down?
Ryan: I pretty much knew I wasn't going to make it to Hollywood (I tend to be somewhat of a pessimist sometimes, expect the worst hope for the best type of s**t), but it lingered in the back of my mind "what if I DID go to Hollywood?!" and that thought gave me wood. Did I say wood? I meant excitement. I SWEAR.
Novac: Yeah, you never know. Just look at Dave Hoover, a.k.a. Mr. Dubious.
Ryan: Haha, indeed. It even came to my opinion I could be the next william hung, you know, without the down syndrome.
Novac: After you left the audition room, Randy and Simon are shown mimicking your style of singing. How would you rate them?
Ryan: Hah, some people told me "after watching your audition, I can say this: Randy should start a screamo cover band". As for how I'd rate him? How about a 1 (for the number of fingers I'd of shown him if I knew he was mocking me like that heh)
Novac: LOL. Speaking of William Hung, he will appear on the Arrested Development finale tonight.
Ryan: Oh yeah? See, why can't I be on Arrested Development, it's bull s**t. I think I acted just as, if not more, of a jack ass then him and he gets a record deal. Oh well, with a mug like that, I guess god had to make it up to him somehow huh? Aw, now I feel bad hah, ragging on poor william like that. he's every american idol rejects aspiration including mine, I'm just speaking out of jealousy
Novac: Yes, poor William, whose album is in the top 50,000 at Amazon.com Music.
Ryan: haha.
Novac: I have a feeling that American Idol auditions saw a LOT more intentional rejects come through after William Hung.
Ryan: Yeah, you see, people have to go through two "lesser judges" or as Simon probably looks at them "lesser beings" if you will. they'll pass anyone who stands out.
Novac: Just imagine William Hung singing screamo covers.
Ryan: haha. oh man. I'd challenge him to a sing off if that shit started happening
Novac: Post-audition, we see you screaming a message to Simon. You are bleeped heavily during this message, and the only words not censored were "Simon!" at the beginning and "Thank you!" at the end. Were you really cursing the entire time? If not, what were you saying?
Ryan: Lawl, funny story about that. After my audition the camera people and the producers kept following me, trying to get me to freak out, which they semi-succeeded, which was the screaming part. they told me "say something to Simon in your screaming voice!" I didn't know what to say on the spot like that, so I just started screaming nonsense until the first thing popped into my head, which was "suck it mother f**ker!" followed by more mumbling. they bleeped out the entire thing to create the effect like I was cursing the whole time. probably only 3 seconds of it was actual cursing
Novac: Good times. You had already proven your willingness to curse on television, but what was suspect was that the end of your rant did not sound anything like "Thank you." As usual, the American Idol camera crew and editors had their fun.
Ryan: indeed. When I saw that I thought to myself "I don't remember saying thank you.."
Novac: Nearly every single reality show contestant complains about editing. Did the editing portray anything differently than it really happened? Did they cut out anything that you hoped would have aired? Did the judges talk to you any more than what we saw on the show?
Ryan: They f**ked me over royally with their editing. the producers gave me, as well as everyone advice on how to stand out if we wanted to get on tv (pretty much just told us to get really angry and throw a chair at someone) but my intention was to do something noone else has ever done, TO GET ON TV. when Simon asked me "What on Earth are you doing here?" I kept in mind what the producers told me, and tried to act serious, so I responded with "To stand out, to try something new" then Random chimed in, "Seriously dude, what were you hoping to get out of this?" Then I paused and started laughing because they obviously saw straight through my lie. then I blurted out "Dude I just wanted to get on tv!" "Finally some honesty!" all three judges exclaimed. then Simon told me to get out, and that was that!
Novac: Much cooler, but you know they'd never televise someone saying that they just wanted to get on TV.
Ryan: indeed, I think they actually got mad I said that, to the point where they made me look as if I was 100% serious, but thank god anyone with common sense knew I was joking simply by the way I kept smiling and laughing. but alas, not many people seem to have common sense anymore, or else I wouldn't have been flooded with messages of "YOU SUCK . . . YOU'RE NOT HARDCORE EITHER OMG LAWL FAG LOL!!!", etc.
Novac: How did the entire American Idol audition process stack up with your expectations?
Ryan: The American Idol audition process was HORRIFIC, I felt like stabbing myself just to keep entertained. first of all, it took place WAY too early in the morning (I had to get up at like 3 am both days), then the wait was even worse. we were forced to wait around jerking each other off for a good 15 hours *both* days and it was FREEZING as f**k. it sucks when you can't tell if you're shaking because your nervous or if you're cold. I was glad to be done with it tell you the truth after Simon told me to get out. after my audition, I just wanted to go home, so when the cameras were all in my face, and the producers kept telling me to do stuff I was like "IF I DO THIS CAN I GO HOME?!" and they were like yeah, but not until you do this!, so I did whatever they told me — not to mention I only had like 6 hours of sleep over the course of three days during the auditions
Novac: So does that mean you won't be auditioning next year?
Ryan: ehhh, I still haven't decided to tell you the truth, probably not, but if I get enough support, or if my friends get off their asses and go, then I might
Ryan: I don't want to go through that long and arduous process all alone again
Novac: Perhaps you could track down the GWAR guys from Boston to come hang out with you.
Ryan: haha, I saw that s**t. my friends and I were like "oh snap we should've done that"
Novac: Are you still planning on writing a full description of your American Idol experience? Or has life gotten in the way of that?
Ryan: I've written a little over half, but when you're working full time and going to college on your days off, it doesn't leave too much free time. but little by little I'm writing it, it just won't come out as soon as I had originally anticipated, I have alot to write about
Novac: Ahh, so you're no longer unemployed.
Ryan: indeed I'm not! I had only quit my job about a week before my AI audition and I got a job not too long after, so everyone who was telling me "get a job you bum!" can stuff it :-p
Novac: It seems convenient, because "unemployed" fits well with the audition.
Ryan: yeah heh, makes me look *that much more* pathetic
Novac: Tell me you've joined up with Blue Man Group.
Ryan: Close, I work at a grocery store now >.< it pays the bills at least
Novac: How can readers of The Smarmy Carny keep up with you in the future? Your MySpace profile is getting quite popular. Are you going to update everyone there, or are you working on a website?
Ryan: I've talked to a few people about hosting a website, but nothing set in stone as of yet, I check myspace pretty often, and I try to comment as many people as I can, but it's hard to keep up when your inbox is flooded with hundreds of messages daily. so myspace, for now, are people's best bet to keep updated
Novac: It's the price of fame.
Ryan: I'll give you a little piece of information though on something I might do. National Inquiry contacted me yesterday asking if I'd be interested in having a contest with the other American idol "rejects", to see who gets the most votes or something, the grand prize being a free trip to LA. I'm not sure, but I think I might go for it, if not to give my family a vacation (I'll have work) then to maybe do something special where I'd send the tickets out to my biggest myspace fan, heh! who knows
Novac: Ahh, so you might actually get that trip to Hollywood after all, and without Simon's critique!
Ryan: haha, indeed!
Novac: Too bad the producers didn't promo you the entire episode, like they did with Zachary Travis or Rhonetta Johnson.
Ryan: yeah, probably because they can't do too much with "I just wanted to get on tv"
Novac: Just two last obligatory questions, and I'll let you be on your way . . .
Ryan: shoot
Novac: If you could be a condiment, which condiment would you be, and why?
Ryan: I'd be glow in the dark so Amanda's belly button will never suffer again (joke)
Novac: Yikes.
Ryan: lol
Novac: And, finally: Ginger or Mary Ann?
Ryan: definetly Ginger, brunettes ftw. plus she looks like I wouldn't have to hit her over the head with a coconut in order to do the no pants dance with (joke)
Novac: Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to chat, Ryan. I thank you, the readers thank you, and Abe Vigoda thanks you.
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