The Smarmy Carny

Let's talk summer Olympics, shall we?

As with most people, I enjoy when the Olympics are on, because it gives you the chance to watch all sorts of . And let's face it — this isn't the 70s, when the Olympics took up "all three" channels for the entire day. You don't have to be inundated by the Olympics in the 21st century, because there are hundreds other channels to choose from! But nonetheless, despite the positive aspects to the Olympic Games, there are always things to complain about.

• I really enjoy getting a chance to watch some of these sports that you really have little or no opportunity to watch at any other time except every four years. Watching some of these sports, I also realize that we can't really take watching them more than once every four years. For instance, I have an extremely low tolerance for watching televised weightlifting, and while professional badminton is cool to see, I usually change the channel after a few sets.
• What's with this growing trend the past 10 years or so to run 5+ minute highlights for each and every Olympic athlete that you've never heard of before, and to run 30+ minute documentaries on the athletes you have heard of? A few athletes genuinely do have a story worth being retold, and Phelp's achievements really do take 30 minutes to retell. But many of these stories are average, boring people whose only interesting feature is that they're good enough at their sport to make it to the Olympics on behalf of their country.
• Sports that involve judges are never as enjoyable as races (e.g. swimming, track, cycling) and sports with an objective scoring system (e.g. soccer, basketball, table tennis). You basically watch gymnasts do these incomprehensible flips and turns in the air, and all you can tell is that it is bad when they fall down. The scores come out and you really just have to shrug and let the announcers assure you that it's an appropriate score.
• If I have to hear one more sportscaster ramble on and on about how so-and-so's coach is her dad, I'm going to lose it. We get it, but it's really not that uncommon. Many 16 year olds competing in the Olympics are that good because their parents did the same thing and have pushed their kids to follow in their footsteps. And since these parents are living vicariously through their children's accomplishments, they become control freaks and insist on coaching.

I'll take the summer Olympics over the Winter games any time, but we can discuss that in two years when those come around.

Thoughts, agreements, complaints, or criticisms? Please feel free to comment.

Jason McElwain, a Greece student, is also the student assistant for his high school basketball team. He is also diagnosed as "highly functioning autistic."

After Jason's team gained a substantial lead, Jason entered the game and promptly airballed a three-pointer. He then missed a layup. After that, however, Jason hit six three-pointers, tying a team record in just ten minutes of play.

You can also view another video report at break.com

The NBA announced their Player Dress Code, which requires all players to wear business casual attire whenever they are engaged in team or league business.

No more sunglasses indoors! No more medallions over clothing! As expected, several players are outraged and have been vocal on this issue already, even though the league (voluntarily) passed it by the players' union first.

When in attendance at a game (but not playing and in a jersey), players are required to wear a sport jacket. This certainly puts the "sport" back in "sport jacket."

Of all the quotes from players, most of them are understandable. You can actually see where they are coming from. The most outlandish quote comes from Camby:

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes." -Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, 10/19/05)

How's this for a stipend? How about your team overpays you by a bajillion dollars??? Marcus Camby . . . 2005 . . . $8,500,000. That's all I need to say . . .

. . . but I'll say more. As I mentioned in my "Pro Sports Unions Are Worthless" post, the NBA minimum salary is $385,277. For comparison, the salary for a WNBA's salary was capped at $174,000, and many of the WNBA players earned less than I do annually! Even when you're a huge freak, I think you can afford a couple suits and business casual attire without demanding a clothing stipend. Camby, get over it! You win the "Weakest Excuse Award." No one is going to feel sorry for you and your new dress code because of the cost to the players. I earn well under 1/8 of the league minimum, and I can manage to buy some business casual clothing.

The "Take It Like a Pro" Award goes to Mo Williams:

"You know when you put the rules in, Allen Iverson is not going to abide by it. But he's one player, and that's the way they look at it. I have dress clothes at home, so I get to break them out. That's cool. I can see what they're trying to do." -Mo Williams, Milwaukee Bucks (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, 10/19/05)

Every time a hurricane rips through the southeast, I think of all the schools that use the Hurricane (or a derivation) as their school mascot. I always wonder if the sports directors of these schools ever consider changing their mascot.

The ability of a hurricane to do so much damage is much of why the meteorological event is chosen as a mascot in the first place, so perhaps it only solidifies their decision. I would like to note that I have a personal belief that meteorological events should not be used for either team mascots or as the primary antagonist in movies. (Of Jessamyn West's seven plot distinctions, Man vs. Nature was always my least favorite.)

Of course, I don't think anyone should be pressured to change their mascot. After all, when a panther attacks people, I never wonder if those schools should switch mascots. When I'm driving through tire smoke on the highway, I never think twice about MLB asking Atlanta and Cleveland to change mascots. According to certain activist groups, nets disturb so many dolphins each year, yet New Jersey's basketball team doesn't seem like a mascot change is on the table. When the fighting Irish do their thing, my thoughts never lead to wondering about Notre Dame's future mascot. When my white sox don't fit on my feet or develop holes, Chicago doesn't cross my mind.

TCU Horned Frogs

Of course, I must now digress and discuss one of the best (and by "best," I mean "lamest") school mascots: The TCU Horned Frogs. Watch out! We'll hop right over you! Or perhaps we, like the actual horned frog, will squirt a fine, four-foot stream of blood from our eyes! Surrender now! There's also the NHL team, the Minnesota Wild. What does that even mean?

And I thought my school mascots were lousy simply because they were people-based mascots instead of animals!

Full-Court Shot, Part One

Allow me to use a fitting cliche here: I really dropped the ball on this one.

Back on February 2, I posted about an amazing 87-foot (full-court) shot made at the end of a high school game to give Guilford the lead over Randolph-Macon. The following day, Jordan Snipes appeared on local television (WFMY) news program. He was given a rack of 16 basketballs to try and repeat his performance. Not only does he sink a basket, several of his earlier attempts come amazingly close. I swear that this guy is more accurate from 87 feet than I am from the three-point line.

I know, I know . . . I can talk about it all I want, but you really just want to see the footage. Check it out.

Anyway, that was the following day. It only took me four months to post it.

Buzzer Beater

Here's yet another exciting end-of-game video from a men's basketball game between Chicago State University and the University of Missouri-Kansas City. As the clip begins, CSU is down by 3 points with 10.3 seconds remaining and they are inbounding the ball.

This is some suprising stuff from a team that went 9-19. The shots were made by David Inabnit and Kevin Jones, Jr. You can read this PDF file for a bit more information.

Oh, and just for the record, that was a 55-foot shot. Distance-wise, that's nothing compared to the 87-foot buzzer beater, but the culmination of events still builds an undeniable excitement.

I'm not sure what it is about basketball, but it certainly is one of the best sports as far as culminating in exciting endings. I would have to guess that's the case because it's relatively easy to score points, unlike hockey, American football, and European football. Not a whole lot of buzzer-beating slap shots out there in the NHL, especially this season.

Full-Court Shot

0.6 seconds, 87 feet, 3 points. That basically sums up the end of the Guilford vs. Randolph-Macon game one week ago tonight.

Even if you're not interested in basketball at all, you really must watch the video footage of this game-winning full-court shot.

Details: With the game tied and nearing the final buzzer, Randolph-Macon's Adam Krovic was fouled with 0.6 seconds left in the game. Krovic hit the first shot to give his team a one point lead. Standard coaching strategy dictates that in this situation, you intentionally miss your second shot so that the other team cannot throw a long pass and make a quick basket to tie or win the game. This way, even if the team gets the rebound, they only have 0.6 seconds to somehow get the ball down the court and into the basket, thus ensuring you the win. Unfortunately, this strategy does not account for Guilford College's Jordan Snipes. Snipes grabbed the rebound and immediately chucked the ball all the way down the court. I have seen NBA pros throw up airballs from half court. Snipes missed the rim, but got all net. His team won by two.

As I said before, you really must watch the video, and if you're interested, you can read the article about the game.

Update: For your convenience, here is another link to the video and a link directly to a video file, though this one is edited slightly.