The Smarmy Carny

Cameron leaves the ice

6-year-old Cameron wished to be a player for the Los Angeles Kings.

The L.A. Kings had no problem with helping grant Cameron's wish. Cameron got a limo ride to meet up with Ian Laperriere at the Kings' training center. Cameron put on his full hockey gear, including an official L.A. Kings jersey.

Cameron dished out hip checks, made some passes, and took some slap shots. He weaved his way through the legs of Laperriere and Derek Armstrong to rack up goals on goalie Cristobal Huet.

After the practice, Cameron joined the players in the locker room for some Gatorade. The players also took pictures with Cameron and gave him autographs.

In addition, Laperriere invited Cameron and his family to the L.A. Kings game the following night. Laperriere scored two goals in the game and he saved the first puck just for Cameron! He also gave Cameron the stick he used for that game, which included the autographs of the entire team.

Read more about Cameron's day as an L.A. King at Make-A-Wish®'s website, wish.org.

Goalie?

Here's a picture of a true hockey fan!

I just have to wonder if he got stuck playing goalie or what.

See a larger version of this picture over at Break.com.

Every time a hurricane rips through the southeast, I think of all the schools that use the Hurricane (or a derivation) as their school mascot. I always wonder if the sports directors of these schools ever consider changing their mascot.

The ability of a hurricane to do so much damage is much of why the meteorological event is chosen as a mascot in the first place, so perhaps it only solidifies their decision. I would like to note that I have a personal belief that meteorological events should not be used for either team mascots or as the primary antagonist in movies. (Of Jessamyn West's seven plot distinctions, Man vs. Nature was always my least favorite.)

Of course, I don't think anyone should be pressured to change their mascot. After all, when a panther attacks people, I never wonder if those schools should switch mascots. When I'm driving through tire smoke on the highway, I never think twice about MLB asking Atlanta and Cleveland to change mascots. According to certain activist groups, nets disturb so many dolphins each year, yet New Jersey's basketball team doesn't seem like a mascot change is on the table. When the fighting Irish do their thing, my thoughts never lead to wondering about Notre Dame's future mascot. When my white sox don't fit on my feet or develop holes, Chicago doesn't cross my mind.

TCU Horned Frogs

Of course, I must now digress and discuss one of the best (and by "best," I mean "lamest") school mascots: The TCU Horned Frogs. Watch out! We'll hop right over you! Or perhaps we, like the actual horned frog, will squirt a fine, four-foot stream of blood from our eyes! Surrender now! There's also the NHL team, the Minnesota Wild. What does that even mean?

And I thought my school mascots were lousy simply because they were people-based mascots instead of animals!

NHL CBA

I realize I'm late on the NHL season being cancelled, but I've been lazy. Those of you who don't already know that the 2004-2005 NHL season has officially been cancelled probably don't care anyway.

As with any professional sports organization, I scoff when the players strike. $8M??? Heck no, we want $10M a season! Yes, I understand that their "working career" is shorter than the rest of us. I know that star players bring in millions of dollars in ticket sales and other various revenues. I don't care.

I make no secret about my thoughts and feelings toward most unions. The goal of most unions seem to be to get the most money for the least amount of work. This is not why unions were formed in the first place. Unions were originally created to uphold workers' rights, not to push to make excessively high salaries even more excessively high. Working excruciating hours, dangerous working conditions, being paid in coupons instead of money — these are the issues that unions were created to stop and/or avoid. From what I could find, here are some of the various leagues' minimum salaries:

• NHL: $200,000 with a proposed increase to $300,000 (so far)
• NFL: $225,000
• MLB: $300,000
• NBA: $385,277
• WNBA: Maximum salary capped at $174,000. I just threw that in to annoy people.

I don't know about you, but the lowest figure mentioned ($174k) would be a substantial pay raise for me. As I mentioned, these players are not exactly in dire straits financially. Unions need not push for more money for the players. They have been out of work for months . . . have you seen any players begging on the street?

I really need to demand that my employer pay me higher wages. After all, I'm only working until I'm 67.5 . . .

Just in case anyone is thinking this, I want to mention that yes, I do realize that the NHL is in a lockout phase, which is more of a reverse strike. I am well aware that, technically, it is the owners/league that has prevented the players from playing this season. I hope you're not so naive as to believe that players' and unions' demands in previous years are not to blame.

Of course, if you really miss hockey, you can watch "highlights" over at hockeyfights.com. For additional clips, check out their video clips forum thread.