The Smarmy Carny

Let's talk summer Olympics, shall we?

As with most people, I enjoy when the Olympics are on, because it gives you the chance to watch all sorts of . And let's face it — this isn't the 70s, when the Olympics took up "all three" channels for the entire day. You don't have to be inundated by the Olympics in the 21st century, because there are hundreds other channels to choose from! But nonetheless, despite the positive aspects to the Olympic Games, there are always things to complain about.

• I really enjoy getting a chance to watch some of these sports that you really have little or no opportunity to watch at any other time except every four years. Watching some of these sports, I also realize that we can't really take watching them more than once every four years. For instance, I have an extremely low tolerance for watching televised weightlifting, and while professional badminton is cool to see, I usually change the channel after a few sets.
• What's with this growing trend the past 10 years or so to run 5+ minute highlights for each and every Olympic athlete that you've never heard of before, and to run 30+ minute documentaries on the athletes you have heard of? A few athletes genuinely do have a story worth being retold, and Phelp's achievements really do take 30 minutes to retell. But many of these stories are average, boring people whose only interesting feature is that they're good enough at their sport to make it to the Olympics on behalf of their country.
• Sports that involve judges are never as enjoyable as races (e.g. swimming, track, cycling) and sports with an objective scoring system (e.g. soccer, basketball, table tennis). You basically watch gymnasts do these incomprehensible flips and turns in the air, and all you can tell is that it is bad when they fall down. The scores come out and you really just have to shrug and let the announcers assure you that it's an appropriate score.
• If I have to hear one more sportscaster ramble on and on about how so-and-so's coach is her dad, I'm going to lose it. We get it, but it's really not that uncommon. Many 16 year olds competing in the Olympics are that good because their parents did the same thing and have pushed their kids to follow in their footsteps. And since these parents are living vicariously through their children's accomplishments, they become control freaks and insist on coaching.

I'll take the summer Olympics over the Winter games any time, but we can discuss that in two years when those come around.

Thoughts, agreements, complaints, or criticisms? Please feel free to comment.

The propane torch

Each July 8, the Summer Redneck Games are played in East Dublin, GA at Buckeye Park. Originally, the games were started as a reaction to a media comment that the summer Olympics in Atlanta would be run by a bunch of rednecks. The first year, there were 1,000 spectators, but now about 10,000 show up each year to view the spectacle that is the Redneck Games.

Each year, the Redneck Games are kicked off with the arrival of the propane torch and the lighting of the ceremonial grill. This year's "ofishal skedyule" includes live music along with the following events:

• Lighting of Ceremonial Grill
• Redneck Horseshoes (Plungers and toilet seats are the equipment for this game.)
• Bobbin' For Pigs Feet
• Hubcap Hurl
• Mudpit Belly Flop
• Armpit Serenade
• Butt Crack Competition
• Fireworks
Previous years' events have also included Dumpster Diving, Seed Spitting Contest, Cigarette Flip, Big Hair Contest, Wet T-Shirt Contest, and the intriguing Bug Zapping by Spitball Contest.

The glorious winner of the Summer Redneck Games receives the ultimate prize: An empty, crushed Bud Light can mounted as a trophy.

New Line has reportedly picked up a movie pitch named "::imdb("tt0824766", "Redneck Games")::" that would have a has-been professional athlete finding redemption at the Redneck Games. I suggest you head out this year or next, before the movie comes out and attendance balloons from 10,000 to who knows how many spectators.

Olympic Baseball

The IOC voted to remove baseball and softball from the 2012 Olympic Games in London. This hasn't happened since polo was removed from the Olympics in 1936.

IOC members voted on replacements for the two sports, choosing squash and karate over rugby sevens, golf, and roller sports. Even then, they easily voted against adding them to the Olympic Games. Thus, the number of sports will decrease from 28 to 26.

Softball Federation chief Don Porter said, "I don't want to say it's an anti-U.S. thing, but they are two native American sports."

Australian Olympic Committee chairman John Coates blamed doping in U.S. baseball as marring the sport's reputation for the IOC. I'm not quite sure how to take this, because if "doping" is common, it's at the Olympic Games!

Murderball

No, it's not a horror film. Murderball is a documentary about the sport of wheelchair rugby.

The documentary follows various Murderball players as they follow their dream to the Paralympics, the official Olympics for paraplegics. There, of course, the not-so-PC term "Murderball" is replaced with "Wheelchair Rugby." The trailer highlights Team USA and Team Canada, and I imagine that the movie does as well.

I would bet that the movie goes far in proving that wheelchair-bound people are not necessarily the feeble, fragile people that many people would assume. One of the athletes comments that he does more now in a wheelchair than he ever did able-bodied. Beyond the "I'm out to prove something" angle, the film seems to want to show you the touching stories of some of the players as well.

As expected, this excellent-looking movie that received the Audience Award and Jury Prize Award at both Sundance and the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival will receive only a limited release on July 8, 2005. Is anyone surprised?