The Smarmy Carny

In the spirit of the 2006 FIFA World Cup, here are some jokes to pass the time. If you think these are bad, you should see the rest of them . . .

• Q: How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
  A: Somebody took a corner!
• The following sign recently appeared on the notice board of a factory in England:
  

  ALL APPICATIONS FOR LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR FAMILY BEREAVEMENTS, SICKNESS, JURY DUTY, ETC. MUST BE HANDED IN TO THE PERSONNEL MANAGER NO LATER THAN 6 P.M. ON THE DAY PRECEDING THE MATCH.

• David Beckham walks into a pub. The bartender asks, "A pint of your usual, David?" Beckham replies "No, just a half, then I'm off."
• A young boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them. The judge asked him, "Why don't you want to live with your father?" The boy answered, "Because he beats me." The judge asked, "Then why not live with your mother?" The little boy replied, "She beats me, too." The judge, stumped, asked the boy, "Who would you like to live with if you don't live with your parents?" The boy thought about it and confidently answered, "The U.S. soccer team — they don't beat anyone!"

I watched Switzerland lose to Ukraine in yesterday's match that went through to penalty kicks.

While I always enjoy a good upset, it's a shame that Switzerland did not give up a single goal in all four of their World Cup matches, yet they were still eliminated in the Round of 16.

Click to add calendar

I took some time and created a 2006 World Cup match listing that you can add to your own calendar. If you already have a Google Calendar account set up, just click on this link and you should be all set. The 2006 FIFA World Cup – Updated Bracket Details calendar includes only the bracket games from the Round of 16 and on. As teams are decided, the calendar will be updated.

If you don't already use Google Calendar, it's time to consider it. If you already have a Gmail or Google account, just head to the Google Calendar page and sign right up.

Google Calendar is one of the cleanest, easiest online calendars out there. And because it's online, you can access it from wherever you want. You can access the calendar from calendar.google.com, from your customized Google homepage, from your cell phone, or from Google Desktop. If you use Gmail, dates that appear in your correspondence bring up links on the right column for easy addition to your Google Calendar. (This feature works with varying degrees of success.) Another great feature is that you can create a calendar and share it with the world or with just your friends. There are plenty of other features that you'll have to find on your own.

This post has been re-posted at Random Fodder, Novac's personal blog.

You know you're a geek when . . .

. . . the first time you wear an athletic support is when you're 30 years old . . .

. . . and even then, it's because the doctor required it for your post-vasectomy care.

Tennis, anyone?

When I first received these awesome rooftop tennis pictures in an e-mail, I thought they looked amazingly cool . . . and amazingly fake. Much to my surprise, however, I found out that these pictures are authentic!

The Burj Al Arab hotel invited Andre Agassi and Roger Federer to come play some friendly games of tennis on their grass ::wikipedia("cantilever", "cantilevered"):: helipad.

Despite my reluctance to believe the photos, my trusted resources at snopes.com confirm this to be real. I'm horribly impressed. It's the world's highest tennis court.

Of course, when I was in my college tennis court, we would always get upset when the ball flew out of the court area and over the fencing. (This explains why I prefer racquetball!) Just imagine the time to retrieve your ball from this court!

Jason McElwain, a Greece student, is also the student assistant for his high school basketball team. He is also diagnosed as "highly functioning autistic."

After Jason's team gained a substantial lead, Jason entered the game and promptly airballed a three-pointer. He then missed a layup. After that, however, Jason hit six three-pointers, tying a team record in just ten minutes of play.

You can also view another video report at break.com

The Whopperettes

Are you ready for some . . . commercials!?!

Here are my top commercial picks from Super Bowl XL. I think the commercials picked up a bit from last year considerably. At least there weren't any Diana Pearl or erectile disfunction commercials that I noticed.

First, I'll list my personal Top 10, followed by Dishonorable Mentions. I have also included the USA Today Ad Meter results, which is a general real-time poll taken during the Super Bowl, along with some other blog's ratings, as they become available.

Top 10 – Super Bowl XL Commercials::

1. FedEx, Caveman
2. GM Hummer, Little Monster
3. Ameriquest, Turbulence
4. Bud Light, Magic Fridge
5. ABC, Lost
6. Ameriquest, Fly
7. Budweiser, Streaker
8. Tostitos, Teamwork
9. Burger King, Whopperettes
10. Sharpie, Hook

Dishonorable Mention – Super Bowl XL Commercials::
Coming Soon

USA Today Ad Meter Winners – Super Bowl XL Commercials::

1. Bud Light, Secret Fridge
2. Budweiser, Young Clydesdale Dreams Big
3. FedEx, Caveman
4. Sierra Mist, Security
5. Bud Light, Rooftop
6. Budweiser, Streaker
7. Ameriquest, Fly
8. Bud Light, Hidden Bottles
9. Ameriquest, Turbulence
10. Budweiser, Wave

Big and Sharp's ratings:

1. MasterCard, MacGyver
2. Sprint, Benny Hill
3. Sprint, Crime Deterant
4. Sierra Mist, TSA
5. Hummer H3, Baby Monster