The Smarmy Carny

Let's talk summer Olympics, shall we?

As with most people, I enjoy when the Olympics are on, because it gives you the chance to watch all sorts of . And let's face it — this isn't the 70s, when the Olympics took up "all three" channels for the entire day. You don't have to be inundated by the Olympics in the 21st century, because there are hundreds other channels to choose from! But nonetheless, despite the positive aspects to the Olympic Games, there are always things to complain about.

• I really enjoy getting a chance to watch some of these sports that you really have little or no opportunity to watch at any other time except every four years. Watching some of these sports, I also realize that we can't really take watching them more than once every four years. For instance, I have an extremely low tolerance for watching televised weightlifting, and while professional badminton is cool to see, I usually change the channel after a few sets.
• What's with this growing trend the past 10 years or so to run 5+ minute highlights for each and every Olympic athlete that you've never heard of before, and to run 30+ minute documentaries on the athletes you have heard of? A few athletes genuinely do have a story worth being retold, and Phelp's achievements really do take 30 minutes to retell. But many of these stories are average, boring people whose only interesting feature is that they're good enough at their sport to make it to the Olympics on behalf of their country.
• Sports that involve judges are never as enjoyable as races (e.g. swimming, track, cycling) and sports with an objective scoring system (e.g. soccer, basketball, table tennis). You basically watch gymnasts do these incomprehensible flips and turns in the air, and all you can tell is that it is bad when they fall down. The scores come out and you really just have to shrug and let the announcers assure you that it's an appropriate score.
• If I have to hear one more sportscaster ramble on and on about how so-and-so's coach is her dad, I'm going to lose it. We get it, but it's really not that uncommon. Many 16 year olds competing in the Olympics are that good because their parents did the same thing and have pushed their kids to follow in their footsteps. And since these parents are living vicariously through their children's accomplishments, they become control freaks and insist on coaching.

I'll take the summer Olympics over the Winter games any time, but we can discuss that in two years when those come around.

Thoughts, agreements, complaints, or criticisms? Please feel free to comment.

In the spirit of the 2006 FIFA World Cup, here are some jokes to pass the time. If you think these are bad, you should see the rest of them . . .

• Q: How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
  A: Somebody took a corner!
• The following sign recently appeared on the notice board of a factory in England:
  

  ALL APPICATIONS FOR LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR FAMILY BEREAVEMENTS, SICKNESS, JURY DUTY, ETC. MUST BE HANDED IN TO THE PERSONNEL MANAGER NO LATER THAN 6 P.M. ON THE DAY PRECEDING THE MATCH.

• David Beckham walks into a pub. The bartender asks, "A pint of your usual, David?" Beckham replies "No, just a half, then I'm off."
• A young boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them. The judge asked him, "Why don't you want to live with your father?" The boy answered, "Because he beats me." The judge asked, "Then why not live with your mother?" The little boy replied, "She beats me, too." The judge, stumped, asked the boy, "Who would you like to live with if you don't live with your parents?" The boy thought about it and confidently answered, "The U.S. soccer team — they don't beat anyone!"

I watched Switzerland lose to Ukraine in yesterday's match that went through to penalty kicks.

While I always enjoy a good upset, it's a shame that Switzerland did not give up a single goal in all four of their World Cup matches, yet they were still eliminated in the Round of 16.

Click to add calendar

I took some time and created a 2006 World Cup match listing that you can add to your own calendar. If you already have a Google Calendar account set up, just click on this link and you should be all set. The 2006 FIFA World Cup - Updated Bracket Details calendar includes only the bracket games from the Round of 16 and on. As teams are decided, the calendar will be updated.

If you don't already use Google Calendar, it's time to consider it. If you already have a Gmail or Google account, just head to the Google Calendar page and sign right up.

Google Calendar is one of the cleanest, easiest online calendars out there. And because it's online, you can access it from wherever you want. You can access the calendar from calendar.google.com, from your customized Google homepage, from your cell phone, or from Google Desktop. If you use Gmail, dates that appear in your correspondence bring up links on the right column for easy addition to your Google Calendar. (This feature works with varying degrees of success.) Another great feature is that you can create a calendar and share it with the world or with just your friends. There are plenty of other features that you'll have to find on your own.