The Smarmy Carny

The Blue Ghost from Pac-Man interrupts a college lecture about rapid equilibrium at Case Western Reserve University.

Despite what movies would have you believe, this is what made college so enjoyable when I went . . . moments like these:

Download the video if you so prefer.

Brice Mellen

We all know the kid that has amazing skills at a particular game, like that neighbor kid that not only knows all of the Mortal Kombat moves for every character, but refuses to teach you which button makes your guy punch.

Now, imagine going over and getting your butt kicked by this kid . . . and he's blind.

Brice Mellen, blind from birth, challenged other gamers at the DogTags Gaming Center in Lincoln, Nebraska. Of course, he won the games without too much trouble.

According to the DogTags site, Brice even beat Mortal Kombat creator Ed Boon at his own game . . . literally!

Take a look at Brice and one of his victories as well as his Today Show appearance.

I have been playing the Unreal Tournament series of games since shortly after the original UT came out. I currently play the latest version of the game, Unreal Tournament 2004. I usually play under the name YourEvilTwin.

Months ago, I discovered a neat mod that played like RPG. Appropriately enough, it is called UT2004RPG. Back in the day, I and my college buddies played an RPG-themed mod for Quake that was plenty of fun. Though that old Quake mod had lots of bells and whistles, this mod for UT2k4 is much simpler, and much more enjoyable. Servers are configured to remember you and your stats, so when you gain levels, you gain them for good.

Unlike other RPG mods I have seen, the skills are fairly generic, which allows gameplay to (mostly) remain recognizable. Too many times I have seen RPG mods that practically require a 50 page manual and extensive training and key binding to play effectively. With UT2004RPG, you can pretty much just play like you normally would, with a few minor exceptions. Check out the many skills and weapons that you run into while playing UT2004RPG. There are also artifacts, but I won't discuss these because my server does not use them.

Gameplay in UT2004RPG is fairly straightforward. For each kill, you get experience points. When you earn enough points, you automatically advance to the next level. When you advance to the next level, you also earn stats points. You use the stats points to enhance your player's skills and abilities, which in turn help you to make more kills, and thus completing the beautiful circle of life . . . or death.

The RPG server I play on utilizes the Invasion gametype, so instead of a high level ruling in DM, players work cooperatively to clear the map of all the monsters. It is the "]UR[ UT2004 RPG INV Server." It's a nice community of gamers that hang out there.

Click here to view my stats on this server in real time.

If you already have Unreal Tournament 2004 installed on your system, simply click here to start playing UT2004RPG!

Nanaca Crash Score

Lately, I have been addicted to yet another silly, worthless, and completely mindless game. I love it. It's better than Cats. I will play it again and again.

The game in question is called "Nanaca Crash." What's the object? Beats me. How do you play? It's anyone's guess, unless you read a particular language (which may or may not be Japanese). All I know is that, eventually, the gameplay ends and you get a score.

OK, OK, it's not that mysterious or boring, but it does take some time to figure out all the things you can and cannot do in the game. There are plenty of instructions to read, if you so desire. Good luck.

The theme seems to be that girls are better than boys, but I enjoy it anyway.

I should note that my current high score, which I may never again rival, is 3720.39m 5320.33. This is your goal, should you choose to accept it.

After researching for an updated link, I found out that Nanaca Crash uses anime characters from an adult PC and PlayStation 2 game. Happily, the game does not use any truly risqué pictures at all.

Gamers will find this absolutely hilarious. The guys over at pointlesswasteoftime.com have written "A Gamers' Manifesto," which comprises their list of things they hate about video games.

The list is chock full of "That's so true!" observations, including the whole "Don't show my character casting magic meteors that smash mountains in one scene and in the next send me all over the dungeon trying to find a single key to a rickety wooden door that looks like it could be knocked in with a strong shoulder" annoyance.

I will warn you that there is liberal use of "mature language" used on that page (and on that site), so use your judgment on whether to click. You have been warned.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Spider-Mike Tyson didn't do so well last night against McBride. With his spider-sense, you'd think he would have done better.

Multiple news stories suggest that this may mark the end of Tyson's career, but an article on sportinglife.com notes that Tyson is in severe debt ($35M according to boxinginsider.com) and may not be able to retire so easily due to financial reasons. (For a great satirical piece, be sure to read TheBrushback.com's news piece titled "Identity Thief Disappointed To Get Mike Tyson's Identity."

For me, it was funny when Tyson was knocking people out after mere seconds. Is he that good, was the other guy that bad, or are the bookies just that influential? It then got much, much worse and pitiful after the Earvander Holyfield incident. And then, of course, came the recent Spider-Man claim.

It's definitely "the end" for Tyson whether he retires or not. Still, as long as thousands are willing to pay $45 to watch the fight on television, I guess we'll just wait for him to become a vegatable, if that hasn't already happened.

I've got to admit, though, that if it weren't for Tyson, we never would have gotten to play "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!"

Tyson went down faster than Igby. And no, I don't expect you to "get" that one. And no, it's not a dirty reference.

This man is a genius. He was the founder and CEO of Atari. The founder and CEO of Chuck E. Cheese. The. Inventor. Of. Pong!!!

Nolan Bushnell has a new idea, now.

Newsweek reports in an article titled "Playing It Again" that Bushnell is planning on starting a chain of Chuck E. Cheese-type restaurants for adults. Think Dave & Buster's, but from the guy who started it all.

Imagine a Chuck E. Cheese for grown-ups–with booze and Caesar salads instead of balloons and singing animatrons. Bushnell has built "party tables" where six customers can play each other in the same game, and tournaments where diners in any of the restaurants in the chain can compete against each other in a single contest such as Texas Hold 'Em. Bushnell says he will open the first restaurant this fall in Los Angeles.

I'm there. Too bad the closest one will probably be six hours away!