Shaving my love for you, babe
Happy Valentine's Day, children.
To pass the time, here's a couple humorous lists for you.
Things women should know about men:
- No, you can't have the remote control.
- We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.
- We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
- If you must take us out shopping, never, ever leave us alone in a lingerie store. All the old ladies make mean faces at us and this only adds to our discomfort.
- It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz together.
- Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."
- Burping and farting really do increase our mana.
- You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
- We really don't know where the other sock is.
Here's how women can try to drive their man crazy (on purpose, of course):
- Do not say what you mean. Ever.
- Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
- Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them. Smile.
- Look them in the eye and start laughing. (during an intimate moment)
- Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
- Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone.
- Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
- Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library for five minutes. Get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
- Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.