Ask a Ninja

12 March 2006

Ever had a question for a ninja that you simply had to have answered? Well, here's your chance!

Check out Ask a Ninja. If you've come to this site, chances are you'll love it.

Don't miss an episode. Add Ask A Ninja as your MySpace or Friendster friend for bulletin updates and subscribe to the Ask a Ninja podcast via iTunes.

Click to watch

Gotta have more? Must have some behind-the-scenes footage? Impossible! Unless, of course, you check out an ABC News Video report on the Podcast Revolution featuring Ask a Ninja.

I look forward to killing you with kindness soon!

Foto Friday: Blonde Geometry

10 March 2006

Find x

This week's picture comes from EatLiver.com, though I originally noticed it in someone's MySpace comments.

This joke falls into the "I wish I had thought of that" category.

Of course, one has to wonder why geometry texts frequently use the phrase "Find x" when they really want to say "Find out what x is equal to." I suppose it's for brevity.

Thilly Thursday: Dogs

2 March 2006

A couple weeks ago, I came up with a joke of my own that is dog-related. Therefore, here are a string of dog-related jokes. (Mine is the first one.)

Q: What type of furniture do dogs prefer to relax in?
A: A Barkalounger.

Q: What's worse than a shaggy dog howling outside your window all night long?
A: Two shaggy dogs howling outside your window all night long.

Q: Where do dogs park their cars?
A: In the barking lot.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.

Guy: My dog has no nose.
Girl: That's terrible! How does he smell?
Guy: Awful.

Got any more dog jokes? Feel free to comment and add your own!

Thilly Thursday: Elephant in the Refridgerator

23 February 2006

Here's another multiple-part joke for this week's Thilly Thursday:

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

  1. Open the door.
  2. Put the elephant in.
  3. Close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

  1. Open the door.
  2. Take the elephant out.
  3. Put the giraffe in.
  4. Close the door.

If an elephant and a giraffe had a race, who would win?

The elephant. The giraffe is in the refrigerator.

Video Vednesday: Texas Chainsaw Wake-Up Call

22 February 2006

When your two young sons stay up too late to watch a scary movie, what is a parent to do?

Serve them the cold dish of revenge, of course!

These parents found their two sons huddled in the same bed with all the lights on after watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so the mom got out the video camera and the dad got out the chainsaw and a mask.

I don't know if you've ever been woken up via chainsaw before, but it's likely an experience you won't forget.

(Be sure to watch even more great videos in the Video category!)

If you'll take the time to notice, the one boy jumps to the end of the bed, reaches out to the wall, pulls the blinds down, and falls to the floor behind the bed in the process. The boy utters an expression that I'm sure I'll hear plenty from my two boys: "What's wrong with you?!?"

Love According to Kids

14 February 2006

Doesn't everyone?

Kids say some of the best stuff when pressed about adult issues. Since it's Valentine's Day, I found one of the compilations of children's thoughts on love and romance. Enjoy.

How do people in love typically behave?

  • When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour.

Why does love happen between two people?

  • One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.
  • No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular.
  • I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful.

What is falling in love like?

  • Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.
  • If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long.

How does beauty affect love?

  • If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful.
  • It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet.
  • Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.

How important is love?

  • Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.

How does a person in love typically behave?

  • Mooshy … like puppy dogs … except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much.
  • All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark.

Why do lovers hold hands?

  • They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them.
  • They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.

What do you think about love?

  • I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television.
  • Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.
  • Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place … We were behind a tree.
  • Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.
  • I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough.

What qualities do you need to be a good lover?

  • Sensitivity don't hurt.
  • One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.

How can you make someone fall in love with you?

  • Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.
  • Shake your hips and hope for the best.
  • Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and don't worry if their parents are right there.
  • Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love.
  • One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.

How can you tell if two people in a restaurant are in love?

  • Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love.
  • Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold… Other people care more about the food.
  • Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.
  • See if the man has lipstick on his face.
  • It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are — on fire.

What are most people thinking when they say "I love you"?

  • The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.
  • Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.

How was kissing invented?

  • I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over,and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.

How do you learn to kiss?

  • You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.
  • You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.
  • It might help to watch soap operas all day.

When is it OK to kiss someone?

  • When they're rich.
  • It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … That's why I stopped doing it.
  • If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission.
  • I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it.

How can you make love endure?

  • Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.
  • Don't forget your wife's name … That will mess up the love.
  • Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.
  • Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind … Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch.

Schickette Announces Nine Blade Razor

11 February 2006

The Novenary: Nine blades!!!

Since the announcement of the Gillette Fusion during the Super Bowl and its subsequent popularity, Schickette has decided to release its plans for a nine-bladed razor.

Though the leading razor companies have all been working on a six-bladed razor, scientists discovered that the maximum number of blades for a razor was capped at nine, due to limitations in current technology. A Schickette spokesperson stated that, while six blades was the obvious next step in this progression, it seemed silly not to go for the gusto — nine blades.

Thus, Schickette today announced the Schickette Novenary disposable razor. The Novenary contains the maximum nine blades on the primary face of the razor, and an additional five blades on the back for shaving sideburns, nose hair, ear hair, chest hair, and back hair. This, of course, totals fourteen blades on the entire razor.

Schickette is also developing a Novenary with replaceable blades. A single set of replacement blades is estimated at about $35, with a three-set replacement pack running at $99.