The Smarmy Carny

Lars Von Triers called our President names and uttered anti-American sentiments. Is anyone surprised?

Mr Bush is an a**hole. So much in Denmark is American. We are a nation under influence.

America fills about 60 per cent of my brain. So, in fact, I am American.

But I can't go there to vote and I can't change anything, because I am from a small country. So that is why I make films about America.

Oh, come on in, Lars. Go ahead. Since you think about America so much, you're allowed to vote in our elections! That's perfectly fine. Of course, if he moved here, he'd probably move to a state with few electoral votes, and then he'd say that he can't change anything because he is from a small state, and that is why he makes films about America.

The entertaining line from this article is that his comments "shocked crowds" at Cannes. I'm not familiar with contactmusic.com, but clearly this author is not very familiar with the movie industry, politics in Cannes, or Lars Von Trier. I'm sure that roughly 0% of the crowd was shocked. Of course, I always wonder how the American actors and directors present react to these comments. Granted, most of the American movie industry are anti-Bush, America-hating celebrities to begin with — especially those who are present at Cannes — so there probably isn't much response from them.

There are plenty of stories about the politicizing of Star Wars Episode III, and I generally scoff at these. I scoff equally at boycotts of such movies.

I just read an article at NYT (shaddap, it was linked from Drudge!) titled "Latest 'Star Wars' Movie Is Quickly Politicized." It discusses the politicizing of the movie before its release. Of course, it attempts to minimize any boycotts of the movie, but at least this time, they are correct.

Regarding this whole debacle, I agree with Peter Sealey, who likened the political interpretations of the movie to a Rorschach test.

Still, there's something of note. The typical Hollywood crowd takes a left turn again, as Lucas makes some DNC Donkey-headed comments:

And just what was Mr. Lucas – who could not be reached for comment Wednesday – thinking when he told a Cannes audience that he had not realized in plotting the film years ago that fact might so closely track his fiction?

Alluding to Michael Moore's remarks about "Fahrenheit 9/11" at Cannes a year earlier, Mr. Lucas joked, "Maybe the film will waken people to the situation."

Apparently in all seriousness, though, he went on to say that he had first devised the "Star Wars" story during the Vietnam War. "The parallels between what we did in Vietnam and what we're doing in Iraq now are unbelievable," he told an appreciative audience.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Now that the movie has been released, Zap2It has The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Personality Test. Take it, if you dare.

Honestly, the quiz isn't that great. It's one of those personality quizzes that, if you have read the books or seen the movie, you realize that "If I choose C, I'll end up being Arthur." I just did my best to ignore that when I came up with answers.

My test result? I am Marvin. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take a personality test.

MARVIN
Like Marvin, you are chronically depressed. Unlike Marvin, you are probably not a robot. Marvin is a new generation of robot, infused with GPP (Genuine People Personalities). Marvin finds little job satisfaction in his menial tasks and he's quick to remind others that he won't enjoy them. To be fair, opening doors and fetching things can be a little tough to swallow with a brain that can compute your personality problems to thirty decimal places, while predicting the weather of an entire planet.

Oscar and his friends

Every year, I make my Oscars predictions, and this year is no exception.

Every year, I also make a fool out of myself with how terribly I do. At any large parties I have attended, I am invariably beaten out by the person in the room who has seen only Spider-Man 2 and Shrek 2. Nonetheless, I have decided to open myself up and show you all exactly how horribly I do. Perhaps this courage is what will allow me to go 24 for 24 this year . . . but I'm not counting on it.

ETV Results

While the Oscars ceremony was ongoing, I participated in the Enhanced TV games, trivia, polls, info, etc. It's generally annoying, as you're trying to watch the TV and your computer at the same time. As you can see in the screenshot to the right, I was able to get into the top 3%. I won't tell you how high the scores for the top ten people were, though, because the top 3% sounds impressive.

As usual, I started out spectacularly with 3 of 3, but quickly slipped to 4 of 8. This is precisely what I tried to describe above. Luckily, I ended up with a winning percentage . . . by one. Nonetheless, I'm taking it.

And now, for my results: 13 of 24

• Best Picture
  Winner: Million Dollar Baby
  My pick: The Aviator
• Best Actor
  Winner: Jamie Foxx, Ray
• Best Actress
  Winner: Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
• Best Supporting Actor
  Winner: Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby
• Best Supporting Actress
  Winner: Cate Blanchett, The Aviator
• Best Director
  Winner: Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
  My pick: Martin Scorsese, The Aviator
• Best Original Screenplay
  Winner: Charlie Kaufman, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Best Adapted Screenplay
  Winner: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Sideways
• Animated Feature
  Winner: The Incredibles
• Art Direction
  Winner: The Aviator
• Cinematography
  Winner: The Aviator
• Costume
  Winner: The Aviator
  My pick: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
• Documentary Feature
  Winner: Born into Brothels
  My pick: Super Size Me
• Documentary Short Subject
  Winner: Mighty Times: The Children's March
  My pick: Autism Is a World
• Film Editing
  Winner: The Aviator
  My pick: Million Dollar Baby
• Foreign Language Film
  Winner: Mar Adentro (The Sea Inside), Spain
• Makeup
  Winner: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
  My pick: The Passion of the Christ
• Original Score
  Winner: Jan A.P. Kaczmarek, Finding Neverland
• Original Song
  Winner: "Al Otro Lado del Rio", The Motorcycle Diaries
  My pick: "Believe", The Polar Express
• Short Film, Animated
  Winner: Ryan
  My pick: Guard Dog
• Short Film, Live Action
  Winner: Wasp
  My pick: Little Terrorist
• Sound Editing
  Winner: The Incredibles
  My pick: Spider-Man 2
• Sound Mixing
  Winner: Ray
• Visual Effects
  Winner: Spider-Man 2

Oscar and his friends

This post discusses Oscars contests for the Academy Awards that took place on , 2005. For the most recent Oscars posts, be sure to check out the Oscars/Academy Awards category page. There, you should find prediction posts, present and past, and perhaps some other Oscars-related thoughts.

Update: The contest entry windows have all closed! For crying out loud, if you're waiting until now, you've procrastinated longer than I have. Congratulations. You lose.

Every year, I go ahead and look for various Academy Awards predictions contests. Every year I sort through dozens of pages to find a bunch of contests. This year, I figured I would share my findings. Sorry that I'm putting this up so late, but I'm a procrastinator, so I'm just getting it done now. Perhaps next year I'll work on getting this out sooner. In fact, many contests have already ended.

Strategically, you're best off figuring out which picks you will make before you start. Print the official Oscars ballot or EW's pretty ballot and make your picks. That will save you time.

Well, I do have some guidelines I used in picking which sites to show here. I'm not too discriminatory about this, but I do have some limits.

1. You pick the winners. No "enter your name and cross your fingers" stuff here. If you've got knowledge and skill, get them all right and have a better chance than just a regular lottery-style game.
2. English only.
3. No regional contest prizes. I don't care if I win a dinner for two in Vancouver, and you probably don't either. Some regional sites will be used if they offer a generic prize.
4. No Canada. I didn't look at sites from .ca because most of those are restricted to Canadians.
5. Not expired. If the contest expires before some time on Sunday, I noted that fact.
6. I will do my best to skim rules and regulations to confirm what I've mentioned above. No promises that I didn't miss something. It's up to you to read the rules yourself if you care.
7. Of course, I make no claims about spamming resulting from these contests. I myself have created a special e-mail just for contests to catch all the spam (and congratulatory winners' e-mails, of course).

Listings will be of the following format:

• Site name (links directly to contest page) — Description of the page, along with any pertinent restrictions.
  Grand Prize(s) offered. You can read the details for any lesser prizes.

Confirmed contests: I have entered these and confirmed that they abide by my guidelines above. Unless noted, you can enter these until at least midnight before the Oscars ceremony. Some will let you enter right up until the ceremony begins.

• Oscars.com — The official site. Need I say more?
  Ultimate Home Theater System
• CNN.com — Skewed news, nice prize
  32" LCD HDTV; $1000 cash
• HardRock.com — Entry did not work when I tried it first, but worked later.
  Two Red Carpet bleacher seats to the 78th Academy Awards Red Carpet pre-show
• The New York Times — More skewed news, decent prize
  Dream vacation for 2. Destination options: London, England (Finding Neverland); Hollywood, CA (The Aviator); or California's Central Coast wine country (Sideways)
• Movieline
  JVC TH-M505 Home Theater System; 60 Oscar-nominated DVDs
• filmguru.net — Small prizes, but probably a better chance of winning
  $25 Amazon.com gift certificate; FilmGuru.Net t-shirt
• the-numbers.com
  DVDs of your choice
• Quad-Cities Online
  Trip for 4 to Universal Orlando Resort in Florida
• N:Zone
  A Million Dollar Baby "Hit Pit" Hoodie Sweatshirt; A Troy Candle set, t-shirt, hat and envelope opener; A Phantom of the Opera music box, t-shirt, magnets and bracelet; A Ray movie poster; A Sideways golf ball set and polo/golf shirt; The Motorcycle Diaries on DVD
• Miami Herald(click "Enter the Herald's Oscars Contest") — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 3 p.m. EST
  Panasonic DIGA DVD Recorder with TV Guide On Screen(TM)
• oregonlive.com — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 9 p.m. PST
  20 movie tickets
• scuba.com — Contest closes Saturday, February 26, 2005 at 12 noon PST
  $100 Gift Certificate for scuba.com
• Lexington Herald-Leader — Contest closes Friday, February 25, 2005 at 12 noon PST
  $50 gift certificate to the Lexington restaurant Oscar's; plus $50 in movie tickets; the official Oscars poster
• Box Office Mojo
  one-year Premier Pass on Box Office Mojo

After the Oscars are over, I'll probably post my picks and how they stacked up with the actual winners. I usually do fairly horribly, so it should be funny. Update: I did, in fact, decide to do this. Read my picks here.

Baby got hack(ed)

We'll always have Paris . . . or at least, all of her phone numbers.

A cracker (by that I mean a "malicious hacker", not a "honkey") obtained the contents of Paris Hilton's cell phone. This, of course, includes her phone and e-mail contacts, camera phone pictures, and other assorted notes.

Some of the popular entries include phone numbers and/or e-mails for Eminem, Lindsay Lohan, Shannon Elizabeth, Avril Lavigne, Christina Aguilera, Anna Kournikova, Ashlee Simpson, Luke Wilson, Fred Durst, Nicky Hilton, Stephen King, Victoria Gotti, Andy Roddick, and Vin Diesel.

The Drudge Report had one (if not the first) article about the fiasco, as usual. Another article worth reading can be found at zdnet.com.

One interesting note regarding this whole ordeal . . . remember that, as horrifying this might be to Paris, this really doesn't stack up to a certain tape that made its way onto the internet a while ago. 'Nuff said.

Unfortunately for you, I'm certainly not posting the list here. I've got better things to worry about. I'm also not posting any links (for the time being), as any link I post will surely end up as a dead link within hours anyway. Sorry about that. But still, reading this explanation is less frustrating than clicking on five dead links I might have posted anyway, isn't it? If you're really set on getting the list, I'm sure you'll figure out a way to get it.

The Golden
Raspberry Award

The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation has been giving out Razzies for 25 years now. If you're not already familiar with the Razzies, it's basically the anti-Oscar, handing out awards for the worst-of-the-worst in film. In the first 24 years, they have "honored" such great films as Battlefield Earth, Leonard: Part 6, The Postman, Freddy Got Fingered, and most recently, Gigli. They tend to favor musicians-turned-actress like Madonna, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and the Spice Girls. This year, Catwoman seems to be the favorite nominee.

Year after year, I take the time to look at their website and search for the nominee list. You'd think that there would be an easily visible "View the nominee list here" link somewhere, but instead you have to spot it in a list of the eight hottest topics. No big deal, since the results are always worth the effort.

Unfortunately, the Foundation showed their true colors this year when they released their nominees for 2004. In stereotypical Hollywood fashion, someone decided to mix politics with the entertainment industry. Allow me to quote directly from their nominee press release (original emphasis used):

. . . one of several political figures garnering RAZZIE nods this year, President George W. Bush as himself in FAHRENHEIT 9/11, for which performance he is also nominating as Worst Screen Couple paired with either Condoleeza Rice and/or His Pet Goat. For their appearances in FAHRENHEIT, both Rice and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld got Supporting nominations. And California's current governor Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger is also nominated as Worst Supporting Actor for his cameo as "Prince Hapi" in Worst Remake contender AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS. "The Uber-Nator" is also one of the contenders for a Special Commemorative RAZZIE as one of five Worst RAZZIE "Losers" of The First 25 Years — eligibility for which was determined by having amassed the most nominations over the years without ever actually "winning" a statuette.

The Razzies in general are quite fun, but this is clearly a political statement from the nominators. John Wilson, the Razzies' founder, is quoted as having said that "It wasn't Mr. Moore's editing, it's the raw footage of these people just making fools of themselves." Even if you buy into the propaganda behind Fahrenheit 9/11, we have a direct admission that the awards were given for them "just making fools of themselves." If this is how you interpret this footage, then clearly this is not acting. How can you receive a "Worst Actor" award without even acting in a movie? Fahrenheit 9/11 shows archive footage, not acting. If these nominations can be made, what about all of the horrible characters interviewed in other documentaries? Why have they been left out for so long? I don't know anything about Wilson or the others responsible for the nominations, but all of these thoughts lead me to believe that these nominations are merely an attempt for a leftist retaliation for the loss in the 2000 and 2004 elections.

Additionally, I have a gripe with the other Fahrenheit 9/11 nomination, as it shows a true lack of originality. The nomination is Britney Spears. This nomination is also not for acting, but for an interview. She was in the movie for only a few seconds. I'm not sure why they decided to nominate Spears, but it boils down to this: Either she was nominated because she dared to utter a pro-Bush sentiment, or because the Razzie people needed to fit Spears in somehow and did an IMDB search to find out where she had appeared, or both.

I hate to say it, but the Razzies have lost credibility with me now. I'm afraid they've fallen below even the MTV Movie Awards in my book.

This year's Razzie goes out to the Razzies.