The Smarmy Carny

Twenty years ago today, The Simpsons first appeared on television. On April 19, 1987, the Simpsons short Good Night aired on The Tracey Ullman Show. It was the first of 48 shorts.

If you're curious about The Simpsons show as we know it now, a half-hour Simpsons Christmas special episode titled Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire aired on December 17, 1989. The series itself premiered on January 14, 1990.

The series has set several notable records:

• February 9, 1997: Longest-running prime time animated series (passing The Flintstones).
• 2004: Longest running sitcom (passing The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet).

These facts come from Wikipedia and The Simpsons Archive, the most extensive and reliable source for Simpsons information for over 10 years.

Today, March 22, is Captain James T. Kirk's birthday. He will be born on this day in the year 2233.

Roddenberry suggested in a book that Kirk was born in Iowa. In 1985, the town of Riverside, Iowa referring to the town as Kirk's birthplace. They later contacted Roddenberry and got official permission.

Of course, the town has an annual Star Trek/Kirk birthday celebration where you can buy "Kirk Dirt" and see their Enterprise-esque U.S.S. Riverside sitting in the town square.

(Fans of SpikeTV's Invasion Iowa will recognize this town. They got pranked on the show when Shatner and others pretended to be filming a movie in their town.)

I suggest, however, that they change their name from Riverside to Geekville.

A man and a woman are driving on a dark, foggy night when they come across a creepy looking hitchhiker with a case of beer and an axe.

The man focuses solely on the beer, but the woman is understandably concerned with the axe. After the hitchhiker claims that the axe is a bottle opener, they pick him up, despite the woman's reservations.

A while later, they all come across another hitchhiker, but this one has a case of beer and a chainsaw. This time, the axe man raises serious concern over the new hitchhiker's chainsaw.

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How do you convince American that your product, FedEx Ground, is faster than it sounds? By teaching them that you can't judge something just by its name.

We see Joel complaining about FedEx Ground sounding slow. His bosses tell him that it is faster than it sounds. They get other workers in the room to agree:

• Harry, a man with a large beard
• Ilene, a woman who continually leans to one side
• Joy, a woman who continually laughs
• Bob, a yes-man who bobs his head up and down

One of Joel's bosses confirms that everyone agrees. The boss' name? Mr. Turkeyneck, of course.

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This commercial's narration says it all:

Around 3 pm, when your blood sugar and energy are low, some say Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff.

During the narration, we see Robert Goulet shimmy down a rope into on man's office and begin to wreak havoc.

Robert Goulet eats the worker's Post-It Note, shreds some important documents, throws piles of papers around, dances on desks, spills coffee on a keyboard, and even tapes one worker to his chair.

Robert Goulet approaches the office of one worker who is wide awake and eating Emerald Nuts. The worker turns around, sensing his presence, but Goulet is now scaling the ceiling, Spider-Man style.

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Office workers are stuck in the "Promotion Pit" as the executives sit high above to watch a mass fight to the death for the promotion.

Of interest during this commercial are the various armor and weapons created from common office supplies: Helmets made from binders and hollow monitors; breastplates made from fan covers; shields made from wall clocks and chair back cushions; armor made from bubble wrap, keyboards, and wristpads; and weapons made from folding chairs and fax phones.

The commercial also features a Post-It man like the one on the Office Space DVD.

Even the delivery guy shows up to vie for the promotion.

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This E-Trade commercial replays the typical bank robbery scene we've all seen dozens of times before — except this time, the bank is robbing the customers.

The bank manager instructs the customers to get on the floor as he and the other employees all put on farmyard animal masks.

The narrator asks, "Getting robbed by your bank?" as the manager warns a customer not to be a hero.

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