The Smarmy Carny

Pen twirling is exactly what it sounds like. We all did it in high school to varying degrees of skill and apathy. Here, however, we have several people who have practiced and practiced and practiced pen twirling.

Had these guys been drummers back in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s, they would have been killers with their stick-twirling action.

Take a look at this video and you'll see what skillful pen twirling is all about. Keep reading below and watch some additional videos, too.

Take a long look at Superhandz, which is dedicated to hand-tricks of varying sorts. You'll find more pen twirling videos (like this minute-long professional video) along with other neat tricks, from simple hand dexterity to sport stacking to the always mezmerizing card manipulation tricks. Honestly, I'm surprised there's not more on poker chip handling, too. I'll bet they could impress the pros if they practiced there, too.

Pen Twirling and Sport Stacking: The next addition to the Olympic Games? Let me know your thoughts. Feel free to comment.

Head to Arby's on Thursday, March 9, 2006 between 11:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. for Free Chicken Tender Day! From the looks of it, they are promising "a free Chicken Tender," so I believe you only get a single nugget-sized piece, though I could be wrong.

Head over to the Arby's Chicken Naturals page for more details. While you're there, click on "TV" and check out the fun Hulk Hogan commercial they've got.

Jason McElwain, a Greece student, is also the student assistant for his high school basketball team. He is also diagnosed as "highly functioning autistic."

After Jason's team gained a substantial lead, Jason entered the game and promptly airballed a three-pointer. He then missed a layup. After that, however, Jason hit six three-pointers, tying a team record in just ten minutes of play.

You can also view another video report at break.com

When your two young sons stay up too late to watch a scary movie, what is a parent to do?

Serve them the cold dish of revenge, of course!

These parents found their two sons huddled in the same bed with all the lights on after watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so the mom got out the video camera and the dad got out the chainsaw and a mask.

I don't know if you've ever been woken up via chainsaw before, but it's likely an experience you won't forget.

(Be sure to watch even more great videos in the Video category!)

If you'll take the time to notice, the one boy jumps to the end of the bed, reaches out to the wall, pulls the blinds down, and falls to the floor behind the bed in the process. The boy utters an expression that I'm sure I'll hear plenty from my two boys: "What's wrong with you?!?"

This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.

On the first post-audition, Hollywood episode of American Idol 5, the contestants performed for the judges, including Crazy Dave Hoover. If you'll remember, Crazy Dave showed up in the first episode of American Idol 5 (see video of Crazy Dave's audition).

Crazy Dave passed through to Hollywood because he promised Randy that he would talk to the animals for him and also because he was nothing but a huge ball of energy, jumping around and screaming on the stage.

Crazy Dave bounded out onto the stage and shouted, "People of the Universe! . . . [pointing to the judges] Honorable Overlords! . . . You're now in the presence of Mr. Dubious, Dubba Dub Dub, Bubba Wubba Yubba Baby Wooooo-Yeah!!!" He then broke into "Bat out of Hell," and during the performance, he lept the gap between the stage and the judges' table so he was belting out the finale immediately in front of them. Simon responded by saying, "That was wonderful. Thank you."

Despite this energetic performance, Dave was passed over and sent home.

It's really quite a shame. I realized that, if Dave Hoover made it to the final two, I would have watched every lousy episode this season. Now, there's simply no reason to keep watching.

If you want more, Crazy Dave also made a video of himself as Super Mario. I guess that'd be Crazy Mario at that point, right?

This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.

The seventh episode took place in Boston. A few more wacky auditions from the Bostonian freaks trying to get onto American Idol 5.

Here is the list of the most interesting auditions from this American Idol 5 audition episode:

• Curt Doble, a.k.a. the GWAR Guys/Duct Tape Warriors #11464 (both had the same number) — The lead GWAR singer is shown singing the mandatory "Joy to the World" (Jeremiah was a bullfrog). He sings "And he always has some mighty fine wine," accompanied by a "Yeah!" from the background GWAR singer. Later, we see him sing the line "Joy to the world!" with a fist in the air, followed by "Line!?" Check out his MySpace profile.

• James Yokley Jr. #10315 — James came out and rapped for a short while. Unimpressed, the judges asked him to sing something. He butchered "Lean on Me," and Simon responded, "That's why he rapped." James may have been rapping for 10 years, but he won't be doing it in Hollywood on American Idol. James is later spotted in the "Joy to the World" (Jeremiah was a Bullfrog) montage, where he switches from the chorus to the Christmas song "Joy to the World."
• Irada Jaforda #12117 — Irada entered the audition with a long, buttoned sweater and a bright red flower in her hair. As she started to "sing" "Unbreak My Heart," she unbuttoned the sweater so it was fully open in the front. (She had another shirt on underneath.) Fully unimpressed, Randy had to find out what else she was capable of. Irada started singing "Chain of Fools" as she removed the sweater and let it drop to the floor. She then attempted to remove the flower and let her hair down, but the flower got stuck, and she was forced to let the flower hang there, upside down, in her hair. She also gave a couple half-gyrations. Irada then transitioned into several different songs, ending with "How Do I Live Without You?" Simon stopped her and told her that everything about the audition was horriffic. Irada snatched up her sweater and other items and rushed out without a word.
• Laurence Soares #11568 — Laurence sang C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat," ("Everybody Dance Now!") including some pseudo-beatboxing as well. As intended (I assume), Laurence had Paula and Randy cracking up. Poor Laurence is later seen stuck in line with Clay Aiken-lookalike Michael Sandecki. (See below.) Honestly, out of all the jerks and losers we saw on the seven audition episodes, this guy would be my friend. Check out CrazLarry's MySpace page.
• Alison Laverdiere #14090 — Alison operatically sang "Everybody's Working for the Weekend." The highlight of the audition was Alison pointing at the judges and clearly articulating the line "You want a piece of my heart?" Simon said that "there is a real lack of understanding here today."
• Rebecca O'Donahue #11588 — Rebecca and her twin sister showed up looking like models. Due to emergency surgery on a cyst in her vocal chords, her sister was not able to sing. Rebecca sang "Black Velvet," but she didn't sing it well. We did get to see Rebecca's sister sitting against the wall, mouthing the words and mimicing Rebecca's gestures. Nonetheless, Paula and Randy passed her on looks alone. Watch Rebecca's audition.
• Tatiana Ward #11447 — Tatiana wanted to prove something to her grandmother, who had disowned Tatiana's mother when she married a black man. After singing, Tatiana quickly switched gears to "Suck-up" by asking Randy if her flattering his sweater would help her chances. She told Randy that he resembled her (sexy?) father. She then clarified that Paula was the sexiest, but Randy was the hottest. She moved down the judge's bench by telling Simon that she absolutely loved his accent. Paula finally cut her off by saying "OK, enough!" Simon started by saying that she reminded him of a pet poodle he used to have. Paula was disappointed in her choice of song because it didn't show her full range, but she said that she chose it because she thought that Randy would respect her for it. Paula and Randy pushed Tatiana through to the second round.
• Kenneth Maccarone #12709 — Kenneth's song was "Believe" by Cher. Not only did he sing "Believe," but he basically did a Cher impersonation. As soon as named his song and started singing, Simon dropped his head, Paula started giggling, and Randy started chuckling. After singing, he also mentioned that he could do Judy Garland as well. Simon, as with any men singing in a woman's voice, suggested the female impersonation profession, to which Kenneth said, "Absolutely not." Kenneth doesn't mind singing like Cher in front of millions of people, but refuses to cross-dress. Simon told him that he had two choices: "Sound like a female, look like a man or sound like a female and dress like a female." Kenneth argued that Cher didn't have a female voice. "Well, Simon, if we're going based on what people do and what people say, then why aren't you on the backside of a pair of jeans?" Paula, hiding behind her hands, gave a subtle thumbs-up, and Randy clapped and said "Woah! Very good!" Finally, they voted and Simon declared, "Cher, you are not going to Hollywood." Watch the Kenneth Maccarone (a.k.a. Cher) audition video.
• Kevin Covais #10182 — Kevin sang Josh Grobin's "You Raise Me Up," and he sang it well. Still, he looked like a little pipsqueak with a bad haircut. Paula, astounded by the singing, referred to him as relatable because he was an underdog. Simon asked why she thought he was an underdog. Paula replied by saying, "Honestly, you don't look like the next American Idol would look, but that didn't hurt Clay Aiken." Simon sighed and replied, "A bit rude." Watch Kevin's audition video.
• Michael Sandecki # — Seacrest refers to Michael as "Boston's most annoying man." Michael had also gone out of his way to try and look like the pre-American Idol Clay Aiken. Poor Laurence Soares (see above) is stuck next to the obnoxious freak in line, and suggests that he turn it down just a little tad. Michael replies, "I don't have a down button. It just goes even more hyper." Laurence tells the camera, "If I have to stand next to him the whole time, I'm gonna go insane." Michael horribly belts out "In the Still of the Night." Simon noted that, obviously, Michael was going for the Clay Aiken look but didn't sound like him, and told him that "You got the bad side of the bargain here." After getting two No's from the judges, Michael said, "Actually, I really can sing, it's just I'm nervous as hell, and I gotta pee." Simon set him a challenge to go pee, come back, and sing again. Set to the Chariots of Fire music, we get to see slow-motion footage of Michael running to the bathroom, flushing the urinal, drying his hands, and running back into the audition room. Simon cut him off before he could say anything and instructed him to just start singing. Six words later, Simon told him that it made him worse.

• Mickey Mouse Singer #Unknown — A woman in a pink shirt sang M-I-C-K-E-Y in a loud, horrible voice. She even held up a pretend microphone to her mouth. Good times.
• "Joy to the World" Singer #10574 — This Three Dog Night classic (Jeremiah was a bullfrog) was apparently the mandatory song for this round. Thus, in the montage, we don't see the singers' names. 10574 referred to his performance as a "rendition," clasped his hands together, and delivered the opening line in spoken word format. See it here.

This post will be updated as pictures and video clips are available online, so bookmark this page or the American Idol page.

The Whopperettes

Are you ready for some . . . commercials!?!

Here are my top commercial picks from Super Bowl XL. I think the commercials picked up a bit from last year considerably. At least there weren't any Diana Pearl or erectile disfunction commercials that I noticed.

First, I'll list my personal Top 10, followed by Dishonorable Mentions. I have also included the USA Today Ad Meter results, which is a general real-time poll taken during the Super Bowl, along with some other blog's ratings, as they become available.

Top 10 – Super Bowl XL Commercials::

1. FedEx, Caveman
2. GM Hummer, Little Monster
3. Ameriquest, Turbulence
4. Bud Light, Magic Fridge
5. ABC, Lost
6. Ameriquest, Fly
7. Budweiser, Streaker
8. Tostitos, Teamwork
9. Burger King, Whopperettes
10. Sharpie, Hook

Dishonorable Mention – Super Bowl XL Commercials::
Coming Soon

USA Today Ad Meter Winners – Super Bowl XL Commercials::

1. Bud Light, Secret Fridge
2. Budweiser, Young Clydesdale Dreams Big
3. FedEx, Caveman
4. Sierra Mist, Security
5. Bud Light, Rooftop
6. Budweiser, Streaker
7. Ameriquest, Fly
8. Bud Light, Hidden Bottles
9. Ameriquest, Turbulence
10. Budweiser, Wave

Big and Sharp's ratings:

1. MasterCard, MacGyver
2. Sprint, Benny Hill
3. Sprint, Crime Deterant
4. Sierra Mist, TSA
5. Hummer H3, Baby Monster