The Smarmy Carny

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper.

The headline read, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

She shook her head at the sad news and wiped away a tear.

She then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

I was watching a game show in the cafeteria at work, and someone noted that there was not hurricane-related news on the television. I might as well offer a few thoughts on the events surrounding the hurricane.

• Evacuation — They should do a whole lot more to help get the sick and elderly out of the hurricane regions when an evacuation is in effect. Perhaps an evacuation hotline might make sense, but it might also be too impractical. In the area where I grew up, there were road signs near major strips for evacuation routes in case of problems with the nearby nuclear plant.
• Rooftop rescues — Assuming a better, improved evacuation procedure, they should fine every single person who has to be rescued by helicopter. I see many seemingly healthy people on the news coverage being lifted out via helicopter. Likely, these people were simply of the "We're not going to leave home. Forget the evacuation, because we're sticking it out!" mindset. This stupidity wastes the time of the rescue choppers that could be doing something worthwhile, like aiding ground rescue teams or pulling out any floating corpses that may be contaminating the water.
• Looting — What's the deal with looting? I can somewhat understand the food situation, since the grocery stores aren't open and there aren't many/any other methods for obtaining food. This leads me to a suggestion: If you're dumb enough not to evacuate, then stock up on food! Tulane University's hospital is trying to evacuate because they are experiencing problems with looting. Someone stole the hospital's generator off of one of their command stations. If that weren't enough, one of their ambulances was overturned as well. Smart.

That having been said, I have decided to make a decision and take a stand against hurricanes.

I was ready to close the window when I saw "From the director of 'The Fast and the Furious,'" but I decided to stick with it anyways.

Turns out, I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. In typical fashion, the trailer starts out with boring scenes of Jaime Foxx as a pilot for the Navy living it up and talking about women. Shortly thereafter, however, the movie turns into what seems like a non-sappy Top Gun for the early 21st century. It also partly feels like Hunt for Red October, with what seems to be a renegade pilot (or a renegade jet?).

Don't get me wrong — I'm not promising a movie of the quality of Hunt for Red October. In fact, I can guarantee you that this won't meet that standard. It's merely a comparison, so don't harangue me when your false expectations come to fruition.

This is the Stealth Comic-Con Sizzle Piece, which apparently is just another phrase for "really cool trailer." Considering the name, it has probably been tweaked for the geek base quite a bit. Maybe that's the only reason it appeals to me.

It looks like Howard Dean's family has taken a cue from Cindy Sheehan's relatives and issued a press release. Read it here.

Here's a nice little satirical piece regarding Guantanamo Bay, a.k.a. G'itmo. (The "G'itmo" name is derived from the Guantanamo Bay abbreviation GTMO.) I can't believe that I hadn't come across this letter before today. Thanks to According to Jim for putting it where I could find it!

Here's the set-up: A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Attached is a copy of a letter they received back:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C., 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka – over time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" – wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed – and remember…we'll be watching. Good luck!

Cordially . . .

Don Rumsfeld

Snopes points out a related sentiment from Jim Huber's "Politically Correct" strip.

And, of course, don't forget about your Club G'itmo t-shirt!

Watching the trailer makes me miss all of the "good" war movies of the past, from Stalag 17 to The Bridge on the River Kwai to Apocolypse Now to Glory to Saving Private Ryan.

Judging by the trailer, this movie may fall into the same ranks, pun intended.

The Great Raid follows the story of the 6th Ranger Battalion during World War II. The Rangers take on a mission to free 500 POWs from a Japanese camp in the Philippines. The movie apparently tracks the stories of the Rangers as well as the POWs in the camp, who have been there for three years by the time the Rangers get this mission.

I suggest that this movie may turn out as good as the other classics I mentioned because, rather than an all out bloodbath war movie, the movie also focuses on dramatic storylines as well. I'd rather not recount the details and get it wrong, though. Watch the trailer, and you'll see.

According to IMDB, this movie was one of the near-casualties of the Disney-Miramax split, as it was originally slated for a 2003 release.

Flag courtesy of ayc

I was intending on saying something about the London blasts today, but Bull Moose had already summed it up perfectly: We Are All Brits Now!

Yet again, the terrorists failed to use any logic when planning their attack. This time, they failed to take into account that the UK has control of the EU for the next six months. Hopefully, Tony Blair will take full advantage of this to help promote the War on Terror.