The Smarmy Carny

Spring has returned, and you know what that means — time to start living in Wal-Mart again!

In March 2006, the Des Moines Register reported that Skyler Bartels had spent part of his spring break living in a 24-hour Super Wal-Mart in Windsor Heights, Iowa. Of course, Wal-Mart offered all the products he needed to do it.

Bartels entered the store wearing jeans and a t-shirt and was equipped with only a phone, medication, ID, and a credit card. He bought anything else he needed during his 41-hour stay at Chateau WM. From Subway food to pre-packaged snacks to underwear to toothpaste, Bartels purchased everything he needed. What was missing, though? Bartels complained that he could not find a bed to use.

Bartels finally bailed early after 41 hours because he saw greeters pointing in his direction shortly before a managerial meeting was announced.

Now that we have spring break returning this year, will Wal-Marts across the nation experience law-abiding shut-ins?

Do you love the sasquatch?

The correct answer is: "Oh yeah."

This video is for a song titled "Forest Ninja (I Love the Sasquatch)" by VeryTasteful.com. It's all about the life of the sasquatch. Would he pay you back if he borrowed money? Has he ever used a car? These questions and more are answered!

If this video isn't your style and you're an internet geek, perhaps you'd prefer VeryTasteful.com's "Wiki-Man" video instead. This song is devoted to the Wikipedia-obsessed editors out there.

American Idol 6 is premiering on Tuesday, January 16, so naturally this Sunday's Site is Idle Idols, the web's home of the funniest American Idol auditions.

Idle Idols doesn't care about the winners and good singers. Idle Idols cares only about the William Hungs of this world. I know it and you know it: American Idol's entertainment value is derived primarily from the wacky, crazy, and lame auditions and the reactions this gets from the judges.

Idle Idols will attempt to blog each of the entertaining auditions throughout American Idol 6 and future seasons. For a trip down memory lane, you can also read through American Idol 5 audition notes that are posted there now. Rumor has it that previous seasons will also start to appear after the American Idol 6 auditions are over.

One of the highlights of Idle Idols are the Idle Interviews it gets from American Idol contestants. Thus far, it has already posted interviews from American Idol 4 reject and psychodiva Mary Roach as well as American Idol 5 rejects "Crazy Dave" Hoover, screamo boy Ryan Hart, and "Everybody Dance Now" Laurence Soares.

Idle Idols describes itself as such:

Idle Idols celebrates the phenomenon of breathtaking American Idol auditions — and not in the good way. When we say "breathtaking," we're thinking less of "exciting and thrilling" and more along the lines of "astonishing" or "I'm out of breath because I just ran four miles away from that horrid act."

Kelly? Reuben? Clay? Taylor? Never heard of 'em.

This is the world where William Hung is king. Other celebrities include Mary Roach and "Crazy" Dave Hoover. These contestants taught us that quality singing isn't nearly as entertaining as a good show. Bad singers, outrageous outfits, and your everyday, run of the mill psychopaths . . . that's entertainment!

http://idleidols.com/

Idle Idols is a sister site of The Smarmy Carny. Enjoy!

Thornton and Heder

School for Scoundrels looks to be an entertaining comedy revolving around a loser-turned-romantic battling a teacher of romance.

Roger (John Heder, best known as Napoleon Dynamite) is a down-on-his-luck loser who can't communicate properly with women. He has the ever-popular (and manly) job of NYC meter maid.

Tired of being pushed around whereever he goes, Roger enrolls in a confidence-building class taught by Dr. P (Billy Bob Thornton). He tells them not to bother with self-help books: "You can't help yourself because yourself sucks." Dr. P and his assistant Lesher (Michael Clarke Duncan) take the students through the dangerous yet effective confidence-building course. As promised, the program is successful for Roger: He switches from loser to lover and impresses his longtime crush Amanda (Jacinda Barrett).

After Dr. P congratulates Roger on his success, Roger makes the mistake of telling him, "Maybe one day I'll teach the class." This causes Dr. P's competitive side to come out, and Dr. P becomes obsessed with showing Roger that he is the master — by stealing Amanda away from him.

Watch the School for Scoundrels trailer and decide for yourself. Don't forget to check out the official site, too. The movie is scheduled to be released September 29, 2006.

No Pants Day!

Forget Cinco de Mayo, it's No Pants Day!

On the first Friday of every May, you owe it to yourself to experience the freedom of not wearing pants! Today is "a day where everyone, be they students, respectable businessmen, or cherished community leaders, leave their pants behind."

If you're a MySpace addict, add No Pants Day to your friends list!

Unfortunately, I'm sick today, so I'll probably be celebrating a pantsless No Pants Day in bed, which really isn't much of an experience if you think about it.

Will Albino, a senior at Wilmington's Catholic all-boy Salesianum School, asked female students at Wilmington's Catholic all-girl Padua Academy to sign a petition to end ::wikipedia("Women's suffrage", "women´s suffrage"):: . . . and all to a They Might Be Giants tune!

This prank was originally performed on The Man Show in 1999 and successfully repeated here in 2006 by Albino and Brian Giarrocco. They claim that they had not seen the sketch from The Man Show, but that a fellow student suggested the idea.

Of course, Albino and Giarrocco got into a small amount of trouble for their efforts — one day of detention. Also, as expected, Padua's principal estimated 95 percent of the school's students knew of suffrage before the video. According to Albino, only 4 out of 24 girls (16.7%) refused to sign the petition . . . and one of those girls signed, but she signed "Your mom."

You can read plenty more about the video on Ryan Cormier's Pulp Culture blog as well as Brothers Gentry.

In the spirit of the Numa Numa Dance, many have new-found desires to create their own lipsynching video for the internet . . . and many have. Many.

Now, there's a site not only for these videos to find a home, but for the videos to battle it out to the bloody death until only one survives. This site is Gidol on googleidol.com.

OK, OK . . . so there's nothing bloody or deathly about these battles, but each week, Gidol pits homemade videos against each other for weekly votes. Winners proceed on to the next round until the Gidol has been found.

Take a look at the Gidol schedule page to see how far the current competition has progressed.

The response seems to have been big enough to allow Gidol to create various categories: Pop, Rock, Original, Kids, and Gay. And no, I have no idea what the requirements are for that last category, so don't ask. Perhaps it's people singing music from the opposite gender.

Nonetheless, Gidol looks to be growing in popularity. One competition has grown to 16 entries, so it looks like Gidol is here to stay. I look forward to seeing your video up there soon!

Novac out.