The Smarmy Carny

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Spider-Mike Tyson didn't do so well last night against McBride. With his spider-sense, you'd think he would have done better.

Multiple news stories suggest that this may mark the end of Tyson's career, but an article on sportinglife.com notes that Tyson is in severe debt ($35M according to boxinginsider.com) and may not be able to retire so easily due to financial reasons. (For a great satirical piece, be sure to read TheBrushback.com's news piece titled "Identity Thief Disappointed To Get Mike Tyson's Identity."

For me, it was funny when Tyson was knocking people out after mere seconds. Is he that good, was the other guy that bad, or are the bookies just that influential? It then got much, much worse and pitiful after the Earvander Holyfield incident. And then, of course, came the recent Spider-Man claim.

It's definitely "the end" for Tyson whether he retires or not. Still, as long as thousands are willing to pay $45 to watch the fight on television, I guess we'll just wait for him to become a vegatable, if that hasn't already happened.

I've got to admit, though, that if it weren't for Tyson, we never would have gotten to play "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!"

Tyson went down faster than Igby. And no, I don't expect you to "get" that one. And no, it's not a dirty reference.

Spider-Mike

It looks like Jackson now has some competition from Tyson in the "Stupidest Lines Uttered by a Michael" category this month.

Tyson apparently approached a "suspicious-acting man" near his home recently and yelled at the man, asking him what he was doing. Of course, the man was startled and scared upon seeing Tyson. My guess is that it's not because Tyson is a professional boxer, but instead because the guy knows that Mike Tyson is a nutcase. When he ran away, he was probably covering his ears to keep them safe.

I mostly just wanted to note what Tyson said about himself in light of this confrontation, according to the Seattle Times:

"The guy was scared to death," the mercurial Tyson told Newsday. "He was saying, 'Oh my God, Mr. Tyson, I'm sorry, I dropped my wallet somewhere on this block and I was looking for it.' "

Unlike Charles Bronson, Tyson said he momentarily felt "a little guilty" about his actions — until several frightened neighbors, who'd also seen the man lurking about, came up and thanked him.

"You believe that?" Tyson said. "Now I'm the neighborhood watch!

"I'm Spider-man!"

Yikes. I'm thinking that, when Wesley Willis died, his spirit passed on into Mike Tyson's body.

Rock over London, rock on Phoenix.