The Smarmy Carny

Do pre-schools
teach driver's ed?

They give out driver's license to kids earlier and earlier these days, but a driving 4-year-old? That's rediculous.

According to an AP news story, a 4-year-old boy slipped out of his apartment after 1 am and jumped in his mother's Geo Prism. He must have obtain the keys somehow, because he went ahead and drove it a quarter-mile to a video rental shop. The shop was closed, so he got back in the car and started driving back home. A police cruiser spotted the seemingly-empty car swerving across the road with its lights off. The officer switched his lights on in time to see the boy pull into his apartment complex and hit two parked cars. If that weren't enough, he also put it in reverse and hit the police cruiser. Here are some other details from the article:

"He's 4 years old, his mom didn't even know he was up," Heugel told The Grand Rapids Press for a Sunday story. "I don't think he even realizes what he did."

No charges will be filed against the boy or his mother, Heugel said.

It was the third time in six weeks that a west Michigan child was caught driving a vehicle.

I wonder if this rental shop will advertise something like "We're so great, 4-year-olds steal cars just to rent from us!"

I remember when I was 16 and got my driver's permit. I fell far more than mature enough to drive a car, and quite able. Now, when I see a 16-year-old getting behind the wheel, I shudder. These people will be driving alongside me in the wintry weather on the highway. These kids will be approaching a red light or stop sign when my family is passing through. Honestly, I don't trust them. We should send them all to Rhode Island, Hawaii, or some other US island large enough to contain all these kids. Removing the current residents and allow the 16-year-olds to just drive around the island as much as they want in a simulated environment. Then, when they turn 17, they may come back, take their driver's exam, and when they pass, they can start driving in the real world. If they fail, of course, their punishment is to spend the following year back on the island. Oh, and no one gets voted off. Perhaps Lost's Ethan Rom could be there to make sure everything goes according to plan.

Remember: Friends don't let friends drive young.

1754blog

I got my very first hat tip today from someone I don't personally know!

Those of you who have been paying attention will have noticed that I added a link to 1754blog.com (link now broken) in my menu. While looking at my stats today, I noticed that I got a referral from the site. It turns out that someone there read my previous entry (regarding NASA's World Wind) and decided to post a link.

I apologize for the self-indulgence, but I really didn't think that anyone was actually reading this blog, save for the 5 people I badger about reading it on a nearly-daily basis.

If you have not yet taken a moment to peruse 1754blog.com, please do so. I kind of think of it as "What if Drudge ran a blog?" It's really quite cool, I assure you.

The kids on the bus go 'Bang! Bang! Bang!'

Think back . . . What were you doing in 5th grade? Have you conjured up any memories? Was one of them "hijacking my school bus?" No? Good.

Pennsylvania state police reported yesterday that an 11-year-old boy pulled a knife and tried to hijack his school bus along with three of his friends. Yep, you read it correctly . . . eleven years old.

From the information I collected from multiple news stories, three 11-year-old boys and a 10-year-old girl plotted to hijack their school bus and drive it to Nevada. The leader pulled a knife and held it up to the neck of one of the other accomplices, and the accomplice pretended to be hurt. He demanded that the bus driver pull the school bus over and get out. The bus driver, Janet McQuown, pulled the bus over and asked the boy (without raising her voice) to give her the knife. After several requests, he gave up the knife. She instructed the four kids to go sit still and be quiet until they reached school twenty minutes later. By that point, she had radioed in and school administration was waiting for the children. Two of the boys were given to juvenile authorities, and the other two went home with their parents.

I can only assume that they will be grounded from their Playstation for a week.

I got a laugh out of a particular line in one news story:

As to why the children gave up so easily, McQuown said she wasn't sure.
"Apparently, they did not have a Plan B."

As pitiful as this story is, it just cracks me up because children can be so insightful. Why did they think they could actually hijack their school bus and drive it to Nevada? Let's think about this . . .

1. What makes an 11-year-old think that he could force a 52-year-old bus driver to leave a bus full of children with a kid wielding a knife? Of all types of people, bus drivers are some of the toughest. I know my bus driver could still beat me up today, and she's gotta be 60 or so by now, if not older. Dealing with screaming children twice every school day (four times if you count elementary and high school) will make a person hardcore! Let's just assume they were able to get the bus driver off of the bus and continue on with the list of problems . . .
2. I don't know about buses these days, but when I graduated, they all still had manual transmission. I know 30-year-olds who can't drive stick, and I doubt those four 5th graders could, either.
3. One article noted that they couldn't even reach the accellerator and brake pedals and see out of the windshield at the same time. That could be a possible obstacle.
4. Punxsutawney: Northeast. Nevada: Southeast. Over 2200 miles. 34 hours. I guess that's why there were four of them, so they could drive in shifts and drive the 34 hours straight.
5. Buses aren't exactly the most gas-efficient vehicles on the road. I certainly don't think they can get over 2000 miles per tank. This would require a gas stop. Several of them, really. I'm assuming they would have stolen all of the kids' lunch money to pay for the gas. Let's assume none of the kids brought their lunch, but they all brought $2. That would be $80 or so. If the bus gets 20 miles per gallon, that would be about 110 gallons of gas. If they could buy gas at an average of $0.72/gallon, they could pull it off.
6. Police, roadblocks, etc. . . . it wouldn't be tough for police to track down a busload of children driven by a child, would it? Once found, it really wouldn't be difficult to keep close tabs on them, O.J. style.

Oh well . . . what are you going to do? Felons grow up so fast these days.

This article has been re-posted at Idle Idols, the site for the funniest American Idol auditions.

The only episodes of American Idol that I watch (or half-watch, to be accurate) are the audition episodes. Psychodiva Mary Roche (aka Mary Guilbeaux and sometimes written "Mary Roche") was the final contestant shown on last night's show. Basically she acted a little strange (a bit Canadian, if you ask me) and did some standard awful singing, self-described as "pop rock meets broadway meets jazz and R&B". The judges then hand it over to Simon to explain to her that she is one of the worst they have ever heard. This prompted Mary to later say "The fact that they said that . . . that doesn't make me want to pursue any kind of singing career." I really don't think she understands that this really was their goal.
Read the rest of this entry »

Pre-Sk00l

I went to pre-school today for the first time in decades . . .

No, I wasn't trying to get back in touch with my youth. My son Sebastian finally agreed to be potty trained over the holidays and attended his first day of preschool today. Luckily, he quickly found the room with toys in it and quickly began playing next to a couple other boys in that room without a second thought. Even better, when we asked him if it was okay for us to leave and come back later to pick him up, he was not only willing, but enthusiastic. This is certainly what I had been praying for.

After Sebastian had returned home, he was more than willing to talk all about how he had played with another boy named James (though he initially confused me with his enunciation of the name as "Ames," a department store chain that went bankrupt long before he could have gained any name recognition). It's quite interesting to hear him tell so many stories about such a short period of time. I'm sure this day will pale in comparison to next Wednesday, when an aquatic Touch Tank will be visiting the school.

This entry reminds me of something my friend's 4-year-old daughter said about her preschool: "It's a long, hard day at school." From an adult perspective, it's difficult to imagine an hour of playing with toys followed by 30 minutes of snack time followed by show and tell followed by 30 more minutes of playtime being considered "a long, hard day." Well, I guess it's all relative anyway, isn't it? That's a long, hard day for a 4-year-old. A 15-year-old's "long, hard day" involves the rigid social structure in his school followed by a few hours of annoying homework, but little else. My "long, hard day" involves working a possibly hectic, frazzling day at my job in order to come home to a few hours of annoying bills, but little else. A 70-year-old's "long, hard day" involves trying to get the regular chores done around the house despite probable aches and pains due to the limitations of the aging human body. Still, none of these compares with many of the atrocities and tragedies not only in this country, but especially in troubled regions of the world. I think the recent tsunami has reminded us of that. Even still, returning to my original thought, given the choice, I would choose the "long, hard day" that involves two-and-a-half hours of preschool over any of the others.

Numa Numa Dance

I know I'm a bit late to this particular internet phenomenon, but I figured it was worth sharing anyway, since many have never seen this . . .

If you haven't seen the "Numa Numa Dance" (a.k.a. "Mya Mya," "Mya Hee, Mya Haa," "Hilarious Dude Lip Syncing," and many other things) video yet, you simply must take the time to watch it. It's basically a guy (Gary Brolsma) lip-syncing to a song titled Dragosta Din Tei by O-Zone.

You can watch the video here. I suggest clicking "View without subtitles" to see the best version in all its glory. You can also watch a larger version of the same video here, but that version also has dumb pictures interspersed throughout the video. I prefer to watch the weird guy the entire way through, thank you very much.

Uber-Update: Watch the New Numa Dance, too!

Update: I decided to add this link, since some people apparently want the info. Read the Dragosta Din Tei lyrics in both Romanian and English. If you're interested in buying the song, grab the single at Amazon. This import single includes the Original Romanian Version, the Original Italina Version, the Dj Ross Radio Mix, the Dj Ross Extended Remix, and the Unu In The Dub Mix. What more could you possibly want?