The Smarmy Carny

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

A: Because it scares the crap out of the dog.

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It went in one ear and out the udder.

This is a two-part knock knock joke:

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Abraham Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln who?
Don't you know me? I'm the 16th president! I'm on the 5-dollar bill!

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Thomas Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson who?
Was Abe Lincoln just here?

Two Irishmen are sitting at a pub drinkin some beer and watching the brothel across the street. They see a protestant minister walk into the brothel, and one of them says, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of God goin' bad."

Then they see a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman says, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen says, "What a terrible pity . . . one of the girls must be dying."

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says.

He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

Person One: Knock, knock!

Person Two: Who's there?

Person One: Control freak. Now — you say, "Control freak WHO?"

Two jokes for the price of one today! Enjoy this Tom Cruise joke, thanks to Banterist. See what an Xbox custom made for Tom Cruise might look like.