How Society Skews Holidays

Whenever a holiday comes around, what bothers me is that we as a society have ruined most of our holidays. At best, we look at them as "automatic vacation days." At worst, we turn them into something they're not. Here is how I think current society views some of our nation's holidays:

  • Lincoln's Birthday and Washington's Birthday become Presidents' Day, but
  • Presidents' Day becomes "We Only Get 1 Day Off for Two Presidents?!" Day
  • Easter becomes Chocolate Day
  • Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day become "Drag the Parent out for Lunch or Dinner" Day
  • Memorial Day becomes Barbecue Day
  • Independence Day becomes Fourth of July, but
  • Fourth of July becomes Fireworks Day
  • Labor Day becomes No Labor Day
  • Columbus Day becomes First Day Off from School (formerly Pilgrim Day)
  • Veterans' Day becomes "Oh, was that today?" Day
  • Thanksgiving becomes Turkey Day
  • Christmas becomes Presents Day
  • New Year's Eve becomes Drunken Stupor Night